Diaper Swappers

deannabelle · 04-24-2010, 11:32 PM

My husband and I were curious why moms who are devasted about not being able to produce milk don't get milk from a friend. I know milk banks are really expensive (not to mention passteurized milk lacks the nutrition that breast milk is prized for), but you can get your friend screened there, so health is not risk... It's a big benefit.

I'm not judging, but if I couln't produce milk, I would honestly do whatever I could to get my hands on expressed milk from another mom (since wetnursing is for only an option rich people). Why don't I hear more about this? Why does it seem to be a cultural tabboo?

There was a woman I met the other day who was very sick and feeling very depressed because she couldn't nurse her son with all the medication she was on. I have a lot of breastmilk stored that I just don't need, but it feels so weird to bring it up because it's just something I've never heard of. If I were in her shoes, I'd be glad at the suggestion. If I didn't want it, the worst I could say is "No, thank you."

Thoughts, please?

Kriket · 04-25-2010, 11:09 AM

You should post this in breastfeeding, you will probably get more response

I have donated before, but what was once an ample supply quickly dropped where I couldn't get enough pumped for my OWN son. So that is one reason, if a friend was depending on me to feed their kid too, I think it would stress our relationship when I couldn't. I would feel bad, and they would be stressed there wasn't enough milk etc.

There are other reasons, some people are grossed out by BM. They thing of it like blood or urine instead of food. So they don't really want to share with another person.

There is a good sized community of people that donate, check out MilkShare.

Maverick's Mama · 04-25-2010, 11:45 AM

Our son IS on donor breast milk because I was unable to produce milk and he has some pretty severe formula intolerances.

It isn't easy to FIND breast milk. Most women, even breastfeeding moms, don't have some massive oversupply in their freezer. Milkshare is a great website, but where I am there are SO many people wanting donated milk that it makes for a really tough time to actually get milk when you actually have a baby who NEEDS it. And we can't afford milk bank milk.

We've had a couple women willing to pump in addition to breastfeeding their own child, but it takes quite a bit of time and effort to pump so many women aren't willing to do that also. And, its impossible to really depend on any from anyone because with supply issues, weaning, etc is like constant booby-musical chairs. You never know if you're going to have enough milk for your child or not. I WISH our son could take formula so I could just pick some up at the store and call it good- so much easier!

We've had a heck of a time finding donor milk for our son. And as he's gotten older its gotten tougher because women want to donate to tiny brand new babies, and our old donors are weaning their babies, etc.

benjaminsmom · 04-25-2010, 12:44 PM

Well that would imply that you have a friend who is lactating. Many moms who can't produce don't neccesarrily have one who is. It is a big thing to ask of a mom. As moms we are all busy trying to balance home and family time with work and other commitments. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking someone to commit all the time and effort it takes to pump for me and my baby. Also not every mom has an ample "over supply" either as pp pointed out. Or pumping and expressing milk is not easy for them. It really isn't as simple as you are making it out to be. I would hate for a friend to end up resenting me because she felt pressured into feeding my baby.
OP I hope you are never in the position of having to find out what it feels like to not beable to provide food for your own baby. But things are rarely as cut and dry as you may be led to believe. If you have all this milk stored up you won't be using it might be nice to offer it on milkshare or some other paltform for moms who would/could make use of it.

deannabelle · 04-25-2010, 02:06 PM

Yeah, that would be hard to have just one source, and I can see how it would be stressful as you can't just run to the store when you're out! If only it worked like that.

I don't know about milkshare, but the problem I have with banks is that they're SOOO expensive and then the pasteurization issue.

So, I guess there is a need for it, but there's just not a practical way of networking? (Because of course you would want ilk from someone you know or have some kind of guidelines or else that is weird.)

hopetc · 04-25-2010, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deannabelle

Yeah, that would be hard to have just one source, and I can see how it would be stressful as you can't just run to the store when you're out! If only it worked like that.

I don't know about milkshare, but the problem I have with banks is that they're SOOO expensive and then the pasteurization issue.

So, I guess there is a need for it, but there's just not a practical way of networking? (Because of course you would want ilk from someone you know or have some kind of guidelines or else that is weird.)

Do check out milkshare - it is not a bank but more of a place to network and match moms interested in donating with moms looking for breastmilk just as you described.

deannabelle · 04-25-2010, 05:23 PM

I will! Thank you!

stringbean02 · 04-25-2010, 05:32 PM

i failed at BFing my DS and i cried about it for a long time, and im planning on BFing this time around since i think i know what all went wrong with DS experience. I believe i have an over active letdown, and he had a reflux problem. He would projectile spit everything i gave him and he lost weight and wasnt gaining it back, cried all the time because he was hungry because he would eat all i had then throw it all up and i wouldnt have anything to give him at the moment. all of those problems could have been handled, if i would have known what to do. plus, i had 0 support which didnt help at all - DH in the background telling me to give screaming DS a bottle because hes hungry and im not giving him anything

.

anyways, i didnt have any lactating friends, i didnt even have any friends that had babies really (im young). i dont even think there is a breastmilk bank around here - the closest LLL is 3.5 hours away. theres no way we could have afforded to buy BM, we couldnt barely afford formula and had to get on WIC. my son has never been sick, never even had an ear infection - so i dont think i did anything wrong. breast IS definatly best, but formula is better than a hungry baby and my son did fine on formula. my only regret is that i didnt try harder at BFing him. i dont regret not getting him purchased BM, i dont even remember if i knew that was an option then.

deannabelle · 04-25-2010, 05:42 PM

Sorry fr your terrible experience. I'm amazed at how commonc it is. I am sooooo glad for the internet! I think I spent the first month of my son's life on LLLI and kellymom! I did see a few lactation consultants, but they were wacky! One literally shoved my son's face deep into my boob and squeezed my breast hard like she was wringing out a washcloth! Crazy. Oh, and she was from WIC, compliments of the State of California.

november · 04-26-2010, 08:18 PM

Did it ever occur to you that some of us don't KNOW anyone that's breastfeeding?

It's a hard pill to swallow that we can't breastfeed. Especially when we so desperately wanted to--we don't need judgment from people who claim that if they couldn't breastfeed, they'd do whatever took to "do better" than what we are doing with the resources we have available. Of course breast milk is ideal and most of us would go that route if we could. Obviously, we couldn't...hence the FORMULA feeding support forum.

/end rant

04-24-2010, 11:32 PM	#1
deannabelle Registered Users Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 49 Ratings: 1 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Purchased or Donated Breast Milk My husband and I were curious why moms who are devasted about not being able to produce milk don't get milk from a friend. I know milk banks are really expensive (not to mention passteurized milk lacks the nutrition that breast milk is prized for), but you can get your friend screened there, so health is not risk... It's a big benefit. I'm not judging, but if I couln't produce milk, I would honestly do whatever I could to get my hands on expressed milk from another mom (since wetnursing is for only an option rich people). Why don't I hear more about this? Why does it seem to be a cultural tabboo? There was a woman I met the other day who was very sick and feeling very depressed because she couldn't nurse her son with all the medication she was on. I have a lot of breastmilk stored that I just don't need, but it feels so weird to bring it up because it's just something I've never heard of. If I were in her shoes, I'd be glad at the suggestion. If I didn't want it, the worst I could say is "No, thank you." Thoughts, please? Last edited by deannabelle; 04-24-2010 at 11:33 PM.

04-25-2010, 11:09 AM	#2
Kriket Registered Users Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Ohio Posts: 6,148 Ratings: 32 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Purchased or Donated Breast Milk You should post this in breastfeeding, you will probably get more response I have donated before, but what was once an ample supply quickly dropped where I couldn't get enough pumped for my OWN son. So that is one reason, if a friend was depending on me to feed their kid too, I think it would stress our relationship when I couldn't. I would feel bad, and they would be stressed there wasn't enough milk etc. There are other reasons, some people are grossed out by BM. They thing of it like blood or urine instead of food. So they don't really want to share with another person. There is a good sized community of people that donate, check out MilkShare. __________________ I make milkshakes in my yard.

04-25-2010, 11:45 AM	#3
Maverick's Mama Registered Users Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 2,309 Ratings: 5 Feedback: 100%	Re: Purchased or Donated Breast Milk Our son IS on donor breast milk because I was unable to produce milk and he has some pretty severe formula intolerances. It isn't easy to FIND breast milk. Most women, even breastfeeding moms, don't have some massive oversupply in their freezer. Milkshare is a great website, but where I am there are SO many people wanting donated milk that it makes for a really tough time to actually get milk when you actually have a baby who NEEDS it. And we can't afford milk bank milk. We've had a couple women willing to pump in addition to breastfeeding their own child, but it takes quite a bit of time and effort to pump so many women aren't willing to do that also. And, its impossible to really depend on any from anyone because with supply issues, weaning, etc is like constant booby-musical chairs. You never know if you're going to have enough milk for your child or not. I WISH our son could take formula so I could just pick some up at the store and call it good- so much easier! We've had a heck of a time finding donor milk for our son. And as he's gotten older its gotten tougher because women want to donate to tiny brand new babies, and our old donors are weaning their babies, etc. Last edited by Maverick's Mama; 04-25-2010 at 11:54 AM.

04-25-2010, 12:44 PM	#4
benjaminsmom Registered Users Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Edmonton, AB, Canada Posts: 3,084 Ratings: 66 Feedback: 100%	Re: Purchased or Donated Breast Milk Well that would imply that you have a friend who is lactating. Many moms who can't produce don't neccesarrily have one who is. It is a big thing to ask of a mom. As moms we are all busy trying to balance home and family time with work and other commitments. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking someone to commit all the time and effort it takes to pump for me and my baby. Also not every mom has an ample "over supply" either as pp pointed out. Or pumping and expressing milk is not easy for them. It really isn't as simple as you are making it out to be. I would hate for a friend to end up resenting me because she felt pressured into feeding my baby. OP I hope you are never in the position of having to find out what it feels like to not beable to provide food for your own baby. But things are rarely as cut and dry as you may be led to believe. If you have all this milk stored up you won't be using it might be nice to offer it on milkshare or some other paltform for moms who would/could make use of it. __________________ Tracy, wife to Dave, momma to Benjamin 01/13/07, Logan 10/03/2010 ISO of cheap ergo sucking pads (mocha) PM me!

04-25-2010, 02:06 PM	#5
deannabelle Registered Users Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 49 Ratings: 1 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Purchased or Donated Breast Milk Yeah, that would be hard to have just one source, and I can see how it would be stressful as you can't just run to the store when you're out! If only it worked like that. I don't know about milkshare, but the problem I have with banks is that they're SOOO expensive and then the pasteurization issue. So, I guess there is a need for it, but there's just not a practical way of networking? (Because of course you would want ilk from someone you know or have some kind of guidelines or else that is weird.)