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Old 05-10-2010, 05:44 AM   #1
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if you're going to have them on a leash...

at least leash train them!! I wouldn't allow a dog to behave like that on a leash, why do you let a child?


AHH! At my sister's college graduation there was an older women with 3 year old twins on leashes. They'd run in the opposite direction of her, hit the end, and then fall. A couple of times they smacked their heads on the floor(all it was was carpet with cement underneath). They didn't stay near her side at all. They were literally like unruly puppies yanking and diving at the end of the leash.

It isn't the fact that they are on a leash that makes me upset.. it is that they aren't leash trained!!! That is misuse of the tool. I'm sorry, but these little backpack leashes are not there so that you don't have to teach your child any manners or safe behaviors at all. Whatever happened to teaching a child to behave, hold a hand, or grab onto your pant leg, and MAKING them obey? IF I wanted a leash for "back up" in case my child forgot the rules and started to wonder off, cool, but you bet he'd still be expected to walk by my side loosely on the leash.

/vent

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Old 05-10-2010, 06:22 AM   #2
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

I thought like that until I had my 3rd child. My first 2 held hands great and had an invisible force field that kept them in their beds from day one. My 3rd refused to hold hands (so he was worn or carried a LOT more) and his force field around his bed is broken. I can't imagine trying to be alone with TWO of my 3rd child.
While leashes are not ideal, it sounds like they are darters anyway and NOT having them on a leash would have been disastrous. It also may have been the first time on them and mom hadn't thought to spend a week at home "training" them on the leash.
Has it occurred to you that they might have been special needs kids?
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Old 05-10-2010, 06:27 AM   #3
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

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I thought like that until I had my 3rd child. My first 2 held hands great and had an invisible force field that kept them in their beds from day one. My 3rd refused to hold hands (so he was worn or carried a LOT more) and his force field around his bed is broken. I can't imagine trying to be alone with TWO of my 3rd child.
While leashes are not ideal, it sounds like they are darters anyway and NOT having them on a leash would have been disastrous. It also may have been the first time on them and mom hadn't thought to spend a week at home "training" them on the leash.
Has it occurred to you that they might have been special needs kids?
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Old 05-10-2010, 06:46 AM   #4
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

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at least leash train them!! I wouldn't allow a dog to behave like that on a leash, why do you let a child?


AHH! At my sister's college graduation there was an older women with 3 year old twins on leashes. They'd run in the opposite direction of her, hit the end, and then fall. A couple of times they smacked their heads on the floor(all it was was carpet with cement underneath). They didn't stay near her side at all. They were literally like unruly puppies yanking and diving at the end of the leash.

It isn't the fact that they are on a leash that makes me upset.. it is that they aren't leash trained!!! That is misuse of the tool. I'm sorry, but these little backpack leashes are not there so that you don't have to teach your child any manners or safe behaviors at all. Whatever happened to teaching a child to behave, hold a hand, or grab onto your pant leg, and MAKING them obey? IF I wanted a leash for "back up" in case my child forgot the rules and started to wonder off, cool, but you bet he'd still be expected to walk by my side loosely on the leash.

/vent
I never needed a leash for any of mine (yet- one is still a baby) but I'm not sure how you would leash train a kid?
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Old 05-10-2010, 06:48 AM   #5
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

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Originally Posted by mcpforever View Post
I thought like that until I had my 3rd child. My first 2 held hands great and had an invisible force field that kept them in their beds from day one. My 3rd refused to hold hands (so he was worn or carried a LOT more) and his force field around his bed is broken. I can't imagine trying to be alone with TWO of my 3rd child.
While leashes are not ideal, it sounds like they are darters anyway and NOT having them on a leash would have been disastrous. It also may have been the first time on them and mom hadn't thought to spend a week at home "training" them on the leash.
Has it occurred to you that they might have been special needs kids?


After our son was born, our twins were two. Hubby went and got the girls from grandma and brought them to the hospital to see their brother. They are normally good about walking with us. Visit went great, but when hubby left it was a whole different story. As the elevator doors opened, they both split, opposite ways. Luckily, a doctor was right there and grabbed one and hubby chased the other down.

Needless to day, we bought the leashes.
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Old 05-10-2010, 07:06 AM   #6
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

I understand where you're coming from mama. I can't stand when someone has unruly kids but don't seem to care whatsoever. But I try to remember that I don't know their circumstances and try not to judge, but it's hard not to sometimes.
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Old 05-10-2010, 07:06 AM   #7
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

Haven't used these yet and don't plan to. I take four to six kids under three for regular walks at DC and it can be done without tying them to stuff. But besides that, I do think OP that you are being somewhat judgmental. While the mom should have been helping the children behave, you can't know for sure that they weren't special needs or just having a crazy day. I think we have all been in some situations were our normally well behaved children were just acting like animals. I am just not liking the vibe of your post or that we are talking about "leash training" young children.
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Old 05-10-2010, 07:17 AM   #8
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

I totally agree with you and I'll probably get for this, but IMO if you teach your children obedience, then you wouldn't need a leash.

Some use them for other reasons (airport, large functions, etc..). My father lived in Cancun and we traveled through International Airports still with no leash and I was alone with no husband to help. I had a very hard headed 2yo at the time as well, but when he would not follow instructions or have a melt downor refuse to hold my hand, etc....We would go to the car and sit until he was ready to obey. Yes, many times we at for a while.

Again, this is just my opinion. I just don't see how one could teach their LO's how to obey and follow their parents instructions when they are relying on a leash to keep them under control.

Oh, and leash training, just sounds horrible to me.

I have 5 LO's (some are more head strong than others) and I use to care for two more children in my home as well. One of the little girls I cared for had Autism (2yo) and her parents feared taking her out w/o her leash. When I would bump into them in public she was acting just like you described above.....just ridiculous and the parents had no control.

However, I cared for her for 5 days a week for 2.5 years (with children's ages totalling 9, 7, 5, 4, 2 (the girl) and my own baby 8m and NEVER, NEVER used a leash when we went places (and we went places almost daily). I was loving, but stern with her. I taught her the way I EXPECTED her to act and that is exactly what she did. There were consequences to not staying with me (for all my children). I'm not talking about spanking or yelling either. It's about taking an authoritative role as a parent and setting the rules that are to be obeyed. We set rules out of love.

When her parents would meet us at lunch out, they could never figure out HOW I got her to obey. It is because I did not allow her to get away with acting like a small wild dog.

Before going into certain situations, I still explain to my children (ages 12, 9, 6, 3, and 9.5months) (while in the car right before getting out) how I expect them to act. What is NOT acceptable to do and what I would like to see.

I always remind them that we (as a family and our actions as an individuel) represent 3 things:
1. God, because we are Christians and want to behave pleasingly in the eyes of the Lord.
2. The Perkins Family, how you act represents how people view our family/reputaion. If they act like uncontrolled brats, then ppl don't want to invite us places or assume that my DH and I are failing as parents because we cannot control our children.
3. Lastly, Homeschoolers..... Their is a stigma about homeschoolers to some and we want to behave in a way that leaves people saying, "Wow, maybe I should homeschool?!"

My LO's have these 3 memorized and could regurgitate to you the 3 things we represent if asked.

I remind the LO's that when we get out of the car we stand on the (white paking space line, put one hand on the door, grab my pant leg, stand at the tree, etc...) whatever object that will keep them safe. I remind them of their manners and that we use them andthen if they choose to ignore the rules and not follow what I've asked, then their will be consequences when we get home (sitting in time out, a toy/gameboy taken away, grounding, or even (gasp) a spanking if it is necessary.)

Doing this keeps what I expect fresh in their minds and they know what is expected of them. I rarely have to ever discipline because they know I WILL follow through. There is no counting...1...2...3..

I can tell you that EVERY time we go out to the store or to someone's house we recieve multiple compliments on how well behaved my children are, how kind and thoughtful, and how do I do it?

The compliments make them feel good and reinforces why we follow the rules.

Plus, I teach my children that having good behavior allows more freedom because I can trust that I know how they'll act when away from me and you'd better believe I ask.


WE are all human and make bad judgements/deciscions and my LO's have bad days too, but in the end it doesn't end up with them on leashes.

I mean what happens as they get older? They have been taught no self restraint and become wild teenagers or unruly adults who need the law to put a leash on them (jail or house arrest?). No thaks, I'd rather teach them now, so they can lead happier lives knowing and following rules (laws).

Feel free to tell me I'm crazy, or too hard, or don't understand why some would need the leash. In my head, there is never a time where needing a leash is valid. We have friends with quadrulet 3 yr olds and they do not use leashes for the same reasons as above. It is our responsibilities as parents to teach our children what is appropriate behavior and what is not. Using a leash IMO evades that.

Ok, I'm done giving my on parenting.
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Last edited by slingmama4; 05-10-2010 at 07:27 AM.
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Old 05-10-2010, 07:44 AM   #9
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

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I understand where you're coming from mama. I can't stand when someone has unruly kids but don't seem to care whatsoever. But I try to remember that I don't know their circumstances and try not to judge, but it's hard not to sometimes.
I can understand this. Especially, when you haven't had a child that age yet. I taught school for 6 years and the whole time I had this smug "if only I was the parent" attitude about any kid who couldn't sit still or misbehaved. Then God humbled me when he blessed me with my first son who can't sit still (although he will hold my had) to save his life and gets lost and distracted between his bedroom and the bathroom by a piece of fuzz on the carpet. I tried everything in the book on him until I discovered that part of it is just the way he is and that all of my energy directed towards making him perfect was just stressing the heck out of the entire family and actually crushing my son's spirit.

When you see me out in public with my kids you very well might see me allowing my oldest to bounce around more than you'd like or touch every can of beans on his way past them. You might see me ignoring my 3yo drama queen's whiny cries because she "just needs to cry." (her words!) And you might hear my youngest scream in frustration because he can't get his seatbelt in the cart to buckle just right. (He stays seated very nicely, and is presently fascinated with buckling and unbuckeling the straps-good for fine motor coordination) It's not because I don't care about their behavior, because I do. It's because I understand their behavior in the context of their ages, abilities, and personalities and work with them based on that and not based on the general public's perception of how they should act.

I have a friend at church who has a very active son. She is a great mom, and she spends ALL her time and energy trying to "make" him behave when it's pretty clear to me that he just can't do what she is asking of him. I see the stress on her face every time that he does something she doesn't see as perfect. She is on his every move and he can't sneeze without her giving him feedback on whether he covered his mouth. I see him trying so hard to do what she asks and then failing. He's now seeing a psychologist for anxiety issues because of her always caring whether he is behaving or not. She's NOT a bad mother. She is just wanting her son to act according to a set of expectations that is unrealistic for his age and ability.

And yes, I do see parents who completely ignore their kids both when they behave and are unruly. That's when it is pretty obvious that it's not a matter of picking battles but that they just aren't connected and interested.
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Old 05-10-2010, 07:54 AM   #10
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

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They'd run in the opposite direction of her, hit the end, and then fall. A couple of times they smacked their heads on the floor(all it was was carpet with cement underneath). They didn't stay near her side at all.


/vent
This is probably why they were on a leash to begin with.
Judge not, walk a mile, and all those other sayings apply.
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