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Old 05-10-2010, 08:22 AM   #11
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

I pretty much agree with slingmama, however I just wanted to stick in my experience with a toddler leash. I am one of those moms who had a "perfect" first child, the kind with the "forcefield" around the bed (I love that!) who would never think of letting go of my hand and running off, etc. Then I was blessed by my 2nd child who is now 20 months. She is absolutely NUTS!!! Let's just say she's a great parenting challenge. Yet, along with slingmama I believe it's my job to teach her to obey now while she's little, etc. But, I saw a leash at a garage sale and bought it for her diaper bag just in case I needed it. It was so funny, when I bought it I remember thinking that I know a lot of people have strong opinions about them although I never thought about it much one way or the other, but now I knew what kind of child they were invented for (my 2nd)! Anyway, I recently used it for the first time and just wanted to throw the situation out there - I was by myself and needed to carry a large box (of donated clothing) from my van into an office right next to a busy street. The box required both my arms/hands. I couldn't push her stroller, thought about pushing her in first but didn't want to leave her with strangers in the office while I went back out to the van. It wasn't the kind of place where someone could come out and help me unload. I could've told her to hold my pants but just couldn't take the risk that she would let go and turn into the street which was only a couple feet away. She has outgrown her cloth carrier and I haven't yet found one to back carry her yet. I was stumped and so relieved when I remembered the leash in the diaper bag. Put it on her, grabbed my box and went in! So for me it was necessary for her safety at that moment.

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Old 05-10-2010, 08:39 AM   #12
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

I'm just saying that *IF* you are going to put a leash on your child, it should be leash trained - for safety reasons, AND for behavioral reasons. She acted like them falling and cracking their heads really hard on the cement was no big deal. Poor kid. It could have been worse.. she could have been yanking on them, because I've seen that too...
I'm not saying put the kids on a choke chain or anything.. geesh!

And they weren't special needs. My mom (who is a nice person, just very blunt and nosey) asked. I was so embarrassed, but she said no.. just hyper.


And slingmama, THANKS!!!! =D I agree with you. My mom had 4 kids under 3.5 years old. My father has never changed a diaper in his life, he made her do alllll the shopping, and my mom NEVER ever put us with a babysitter. She'd carry us twins, she held onto my one brother's hand, and taught my oldest to hold onto her pant leg or the cart. It is doable. Yes... we were still kids, and she had her hands very full. It was hard for her, but doable.

And I agree even more with you slingmama... those leashes are just a crutch to not teach the child good behavior it seems (for the people *I've* seen using them). This particular mom, instead of asking the children to come back to her or walk with her, would just drag them along! She'd reel them in without even telling them to come back to her. She hardly communicated with them at all... she didn't need to.. she'd just pull on the leash and reel them in. But like you said, if they were properly disciplined, there would be no need for a leash most likely.

You and I sound like we have a lot in common! Sounds like I need to be coming to you for advice for my little one! How you talk is exactly like I'd like to raise my children... loving, non-physical, but firm discipline.
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Old 05-10-2010, 08:42 AM   #13
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnymommy View Post
I pretty much agree with slingmama, however I just wanted to stick in my experience with a toddler leash. I am one of those moms who had a "perfect" first child, the kind with the "forcefield" around the bed (I love that!) who would never think of letting go of my hand and running off, etc. Then I was blessed by my 2nd child who is now 20 months. She is absolutely NUTS!!! Let's just say she's a great parenting challenge. Yet, along with slingmama I believe it's my job to teach her to obey now while she's little, etc. But, I saw a leash at a garage sale and bought it for her diaper bag just in case I needed it. It was so funny, when I bought it I remember thinking that I know a lot of people have strong opinions about them although I never thought about it much one way or the other, but now I knew what kind of child they were invented for (my 2nd)! Anyway, I recently used it for the first time and just wanted to throw the situation out there - I was by myself and needed to carry a large box (of donated clothing) from my van into an office right next to a busy street. The box required both my arms/hands. I couldn't push her stroller, thought about pushing her in first but didn't want to leave her with strangers in the office while I went back out to the van. It wasn't the kind of place where someone could come out and help me unload. I could've told her to hold my pants but just couldn't take the risk that she would let go and turn into the street which was only a couple feet away. She has outgrown her cloth carrier and I haven't yet found one to back carry her yet. I was stumped and so relieved when I remembered the leash in the diaper bag. Put it on her, grabbed my box and went in! So for me it was necessary for her safety at that moment.
See, I think this is proper use of the leash.
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Old 05-10-2010, 09:30 AM   #14
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

The backpack is supposed to be a backup. If God-forbid I took my eye off my ds2 for a second or he wrenched his hand out of mine, he wouldn't be able to get far before I could catch up with him and he couldn't run into danger. Three kids in a row were
perfect angels. Never ran, did exactly what was asked of them and still do. He is, as my mother says, a pistol.

Would I ever let him run to the end of the leash repeatedly? No. That would tell me that something is wrong and we need to address it.
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Old 05-10-2010, 11:25 AM   #15
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

Quote:
Originally Posted by crunch!910 View Post
I'm just saying that *IF* you are going to put a leash on your child, it should be leash trained - for safety reasons, AND for behavioral reasons. She acted like them falling and cracking their heads really hard on the cement was no big deal. Poor kid. It could have been worse.. she could have been yanking on them, because I've seen that too...
I'm not saying put the kids on a choke chain or anything.. geesh!

And they weren't special needs. My mom (who is a nice person, just very blunt and nosey) asked. I was so embarrassed, but she said no.. just hyper.


And slingmama, THANKS!!!! =D I agree with you. My mom had 4 kids under 3.5 years old. My father has never changed a diaper in his life, he made her do alllll the shopping, and my mom NEVER ever put us with a babysitter. She'd carry us twins, she held onto my one brother's hand, and taught my oldest to hold onto her pant leg or the cart. It is doable. Yes... we were still kids, and she had her hands very full. It was hard for her, but doable.

And I agree even more with you slingmama... those leashes are just a crutch to not teach the child good behavior it seems (for the people *I've* seen using them). This particular mom, instead of asking the children to come back to her or walk with her, would just drag them along! She'd reel them in without even telling them to come back to her. She hardly communicated with them at all... she didn't need to.. she'd just pull on the leash and reel them in. But like you said, if they were properly disciplined, there would be no need for a leash most likely.

You and I sound like we have a lot in common! Sounds like I need to be coming to you for advice for my little one! How you talk is exactly like I'd like to raise my children... loving, non-physical, but firm discipline.

My parenting skills are not perfect and there are even times when I have to apologize to my kids for me acting up... However, it is about loving our children enough to discipline them. We do a lot of talking in our family and spanking is used when necessary, yet not often. I think when you create respect in your home, then good behavior follows.


Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnymommy View Post
I was by myself and needed to carry a large box (of donated clothing) from my van into an office right next to a busy street. The box required both my arms/hands. I couldn't push her stroller, thought about pushing her in first but didn't want to leave her with strangers in the office while I went back out to the van. It wasn't the kind of place where someone could come out and help me unload. I could've told her to hold my pants but just couldn't take the risk that she would let go and turn into the street which was only a couple feet away. She has outgrown her cloth carrier and I haven't yet found one to back carry her yet. I was stumped and so relieved when I remembered the leash in the diaper bag. Put it on her, grabbed my box and went in! So for me it was necessary for her safety at that moment.
I can understand why you used the leash in this situation. It seemed like the safest way to get from Point A to Point B for you.

Question is, what would you have done if you had not had the leash? Not drop off the package? Just curious? Not being a smart butt.

I know that if it was me I would have either had to come back with someone with me another time, left DC at home while I did the errund, called the office to send someone out to help me or make dc hold onto me.

Sometimes when I'm in a situation like the above and I need dd to hold my skirt while we walk. I talk about it BEFORE we do it, I talk to her the whole time as we cross about holding onto my skirt tight as she can WHILE we are doing it and then I PRAISE her for listening and obeying so well when we get to Point B.

Never had a dc just jet off from me when I do this like ppl describe could happen. Now, is this because I just have PERFECT children who don't do the things yŠll describe? No. It is because there are consequences to bad choices. If we had been practicing this method as we walk through a dead parking lot to church and dd constantly refused to hold my skirt, then perhaps I would have chosen one of the other methods to drop the box off. Not lexturing you for using the leash. I'm just explaining how a leash isn't necessary for child rearing (even for emergencies).
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Old 05-10-2010, 11:37 AM   #16
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

I'm sorry, but I really just have no problem with people using the leash. All kids have different personalities and all might not respond to discipline easily and for a period they might need to use it for everybody's safety. We live in San francisco, on a busy street and cars often turn into driveways quickly etc. I do try to train my daughter to hold my hand and walk alongside me, but it's not always easy! Esp with a baby now it's hard to quickly run and grab her if she runs off. For that reason I tend to stick her in the stroller most of the time. We rarely use the leash but sometimes i do take it with us and it can be handy, especially when I am carrying the baby and packages to the post office etc. 2 yo's have a mind of their own, and as toddlers you do have to teach them, but they are still learning. You can't always expect them to behave as you want them to at that age. If it's best for their safety, then yes, I have no problem with using the leash as a backup until they're older and you can reason better with them.
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Old 05-10-2010, 11:54 AM   #17
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

I understand OP's view though. I bought a backpack leash for mine a few mos ago. After using it for 20 minutes in the front yard (where she's prone to dashing toward the street) I just ended up with a cranky 13 month old who dashed toward the street and got stopped at 6 ft and then fell down and cried on my lap before trying it again. I realized she's too young to understand what a 'leash' means - in essence, she's too young to 'leash train.'. I realized its just not for us. Will I try again as she reaches 2 yrs old? Maybe, if I need it. And its possible that in that specific situation OP mentioned they were special needs kids. But I've seen it used so many times in the same manner as Op described. I think her vent was more in general than with that specific family. A leash is a means to an end, not the end. Same way you explain 'hold my hand in the parking lot so you don't get hit by a car.' You should explain 'you're on a leash so you can't go more than 2 steps away. You need to stay close.'
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Old 05-10-2010, 12:03 PM   #18
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

Frankly, I don't see the difference in using a leash vs confining a child to a stroller, a shopping cart, etc.

I don't like seeing kids being ignored and basically running amok at the end of a leash, but I also don't like seeing kids screaming in strollers/carts b/c they want to walk, or being yelled at b/c the parent allowed them to walk and they ran off (b/c they're 2 and that's what 2 yr olds sometimes do).

I used to look down at parents who used leashes and when we received one as a gift, I vowed to never be one of "those" parents. Then my DD, who has no fear of strangers, got overly excited while in the airport (15 mths at the time), twisted out of my hand, ran off, went up to a complete stranger and told him to pick her up. I found her quickly and all was well, but I worried from then on.

Her safety is paramount to me. 90% of the time, she stays with me, but sometimes situations are such that I feel that for her safety, she needs to be confined. DD HATES the stroller; she wants to walk. How do a reconcile her need for independence with my need for her safety AND the fact that sometimes 2 yr olds will run? I'd wear her, but that is just as hated by her as the stroller, so what should I do? Do I make her unhappy even though she's doing her best to be obedient and, for the most part, doing a good job?

Most of the time, she walks next to me, holds my hand or shirt, no problem, but when she starts to get out of hand and is forgetting how to stay with me (usually she's tired or hungry) OR my hands are full and there is no way that I can hold onto her or chase her if she decides to run, something has to be done. When that happens, I give her a choice, she can ride in the stroller OR she can put on her "puppy dog" and walk beside me. She almost always chooses the puppy dog. She's safe AND has some independence. It works for both of us.

Do I let her run around and fall down? NO, but I also don't judge those who do. I don't know the circumstances that led them to that decision.
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Old 05-10-2010, 12:10 PM   #19
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

So how exactly do you teach kids to obey?
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Old 05-10-2010, 12:40 PM   #20
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

My DS is a wild-child (though he has that fabulous "force field" around his bed- and I LOVE it! ), he has a mind of his own and it changes every thirty seconds. We did; however, teach him to hold hands and/or remain VERY close to us in public. He's 3.5 and has been walking in stores, etc on his own...I'd say for the better part of two years. I wore him a LOT until he was two, but still allowed him to walk with us. It took us some time (and some patience ) to get him to wherehe understood the "force field" around mommy and daddy when we went places. We typically go to the store during the day when it isn't too busy and I allow him a little more freedom to frolic in front of me, but he knows his limits.

When he was two, we lived out of state and traveled home basically monthly. That made for several airport trips (Raleigh Durham International...SUPER busy!). I bought a leash to take him there because it made me nervous and it seemed the perfect back up at the time. What ensued when we got there is basically the scene the OP is irked by. He'd run til he hit the end, fall, cry...run, fall, cry...I was able to stand it for about 10 minutes when I took the pack off, trashed it and threw him in my mei tai. That's how we traveled from that point on.

I have nothing against parents who use leashes as a back up plan, but using it as "the plan" irritates me. They are all at such a moldable age and with a little encouragement, can be "hand trained" to stay with mommy and daddy. Trust me, if we can teach my son, any child can be taught.

OP- I laughed and spit a little water out when you said your mom asked if they were special needs. Not that there is anything funny about special needs children, please don't misinterpret. But if my mom and i were somewhere like that, she totally wouldn't say a word and I'd be the one to say something
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