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Old 05-10-2010, 01:08 PM   #21
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

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Originally Posted by Kimmyann View Post
So how exactly do you teach kids to obey?
People have asked me that a LOT about my kids (even my two year old, because he IS a good boy 99% of the time). It puzzles me. I TELL them what I expect them to do and they do it. I don't ask, I don't sugar coat it, they are told what to do. If you expect things from your kids they will rise to your expectations. Every kid has it in them to be good, even my runner who had to be dragged out of the doctor's office last week...

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Old 05-10-2010, 01:15 PM   #22
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

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Haven't used these yet and don't plan to. I take four to six kids under three for regular walks at DC and it can be done without tying them to stuff. But besides that, I do think OP that you are being somewhat judgmental. While the mom should have been helping the children behave, you can't know for sure that they weren't special needs or just having a crazy day. I think we have all been in some situations were our normally well behaved children were just acting like animals. I am just not liking the vibe of your post or that we are talking about "leash training" young children.
don't you love that positive peer pressure? i used to own my own daycare and parents would ask me all the time how I got my DC kids to stay on their cots or sleeping bags for resttime. To be honest, I doln't really know. They just did. Positive peer pressure. Same thing that makes a kid try a new food at DC or school or makes all the children walk with their hands on the stroller or holding hands. It even works with my 3 sometimes at home. One kid tries the spinach int he mac and cheese, and the other two don't want to get shown up so they do it too. Of course it works in reverse as well.
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Old 05-10-2010, 01:31 PM   #23
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

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People have asked me that a LOT about my kids (even my two year old, because he IS a good boy 99% of the time). It puzzles me. I TELL them what I expect them to do and they do it. I don't ask, I don't sugar coat it, they are told what to do. If you expect things from your kids they will rise to your expectations. Every kid has it in them to be good, even my runner who had to be dragged out of the doctor's office last week...

Exactly! I set perimeters and stick to them. Lots of consistancy on..... I say what I mean and I mean what I say.

If my LO is throwing a fit for whatever the reason, then I'll say, "You have two choices, walk beside me or __(enter disciplinary action)___." If they don't make a choice, then I make it for them (discipline). Usually, the next time I say , "You have a choice...." they choose to obey and I praise them for it.

When I notice that they've chosen to be obedient and I didn't have to say anything to them, I tell them how proud I am on how they acted, that it makes me so happy when they choose to behave well! I may even drive through for ice cream too!

Now, I do make it known that we don't get ice cream (gum, toy, etc...)everytime we obey. That's not how it works. If you do that, then you are causing a whole other problem where they are choosing to obey for the wrong reasons and when the prize is not awarded a fit is thrown and they've learned nothing.

I reward, when I want, for good behavior that I notice because I''m the Mommy... NOT you telling me, "I was good, give me my prize now!"
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Old 05-10-2010, 01:39 PM   #24
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

I 100% agree with slingmama on this one. I have 3 children, the latter 2 who are "wild children". They are both VERY strong-willed. I TALK to them, I let them know what is expected, I physically hold TIGHTLY to their hands when walking with them & they do what they are supposed to do. Do they always do it? Actually NO! They go through a HORRIBLE case of the "jelly legs" when they are starting to walk with me...Mae's going through that right now, she'll be walking along & just let her legs go all jello-like. I just continue to hold her hand. They go through the "wrenching" stage where they try to get their hand out of mine, and it's just NOT AN OPTION! Again, I just continue to hold on! It's tough & there's a learning curve, but since last year (when DS2-my 2nd child) turned 3, he's held on to "his spot" on the stroller when walking across a parking lot. The first few times, I held my hand over his to make sure he didn't dart. After that, it's really not been an issue. If it IS a "bad day", there are consequences to not obeying the rules, just like any other time.
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Old 05-10-2010, 01:40 PM   #25
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

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Originally Posted by MyFourStars View Post
People have asked me that a LOT about my kids (even my two year old, because he IS a good boy 99% of the time). It puzzles me. I TELL them what I expect them to do and they do it. I don't ask, I don't sugar coat it, they are told what to do. If you expect things from your kids they will rise to your expectations. Every kid has it in them to be good, even my runner who had to be dragged out of the doctor's office last week...

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Old 05-10-2010, 02:29 PM   #26
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

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I can understand this. Especially, when you haven't had a child that age yet. I taught school for 6 years and the whole time I had this smug "if only I was the parent" attitude about any kid who couldn't sit still or misbehaved. Then God humbled me when he blessed me with my first son who can't sit still (although he will hold my had) to save his life and gets lost and distracted between his bedroom and the bathroom by a piece of fuzz on the carpet. I tried everything in the book on him until I discovered that part of it is just the way he is and that all of my energy directed towards making him perfect was just stressing the heck out of the entire family and actually crushing my son's spirit.

When you see me out in public with my kids you very well might see me allowing my oldest to bounce around more than you'd like or touch every can of beans on his way past them. You might see me ignoring my 3yo drama queen's whiny cries because she "just needs to cry." (her words!) And you might hear my youngest scream in frustration because he can't get his seatbelt in the cart to buckle just right. (He stays seated very nicely, and is presently fascinated with buckling and unbuckeling the straps-good for fine motor coordination) It's not because I don't care about their behavior, because I do. It's because I understand their behavior in the context of their ages, abilities, and personalities and work with them based on that and not based on the general public's perception of how they should act.

I have a friend at church who has a very active son. She is a great mom, and she spends ALL her time and energy trying to "make" him behave when it's pretty clear to me that he just can't do what she is asking of him. I see the stress on her face every time that he does something she doesn't see as perfect. She is on his every move and he can't sneeze without her giving him feedback on whether he covered his mouth. I see him trying so hard to do what she asks and then failing. He's now seeing a psychologist for anxiety issues because of her always caring whether he is behaving or not. She's NOT a bad mother. She is just wanting her son to act according to a set of expectations that is unrealistic for his age and ability.

And yes, I do see parents who completely ignore their kids both when they behave and are unruly. That's when it is pretty obvious that it's not a matter of picking battles but that they just aren't connected and interested.
This is exactly me!! And although there are circumstances when I may have the time to leave the store repeatedly as my toddler refuses to sit still in the cart or walk closely, I cant do this everytime. I believe consistency is one of our most powerful tools and if your cant floow through 100% of the time, dont even bothor to do it once. Just my opinion.

FWIW, I have used a leash two or three times in situations when I felt it was necessary, so I am not knocking it or condoning it.
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Old 05-10-2010, 03:15 PM   #27
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

For the sanity of my family we use a wrist leash. DD is 2 1/2yo and wants to walk. She likes to run. DH and I both have bad backs so we can't carry her and she wanted to walk before she was tall enough to comfortably hold her hand without us leaning over. Generally she rides in a cart or her stoller, but because this is what we have always done with her when she wants to walk she asks for her leash. She tries to run, but has never hit the end of the leash and fell down. When we are stopped for some reason, she likes to go to the end of the leash and hang on it sometimes (pulling backward from us). But again she doesn't fall down from hitting the end of the leash.

She gets her freedom to move around (all 5-6 feet of it) and get some energy out and we don't have to worry about her darting off and not holding our hands. When in parking lots she holds our hands because that is what she was taught to do. Stores are a different situation. When she is tired of walking and wants to be carried, I give her the option of walking or riding in the cart/stroller. Her decision.

She generally is a well behaved child on the leash and I keep an eye on her to know how much leash she has, just like a dog so that she isn't being jerked on the end of the leash, whether she's in front of us or following along behind. Her arm is in a natural position and our backs are very thankful. This is what works for our family and people can judge all they want. For the most part she is a very well behaved child and hardly ever cries/whines/tantrums in stores.

The older people who see it mostly are supportive/understanding, the younger people (young adults/teens) think it's the most cruel thing in the world. I just think to myself, have kids yourself and make your decision then. Like others have said, sometimes is a safety issue and othertimes is a freedom of movement/keep them happy thing.

Again this is what we have always done with her and she is fine with it. The leash is her rules and limitations. It makes her happy and keeps us happy becuase she isn't whining trying to get out of the cart/stroller. Again all depends on the situation, sometimes the leash doesn't work for the situation and other times it is the best thing. For our family. We do what works for us regardless of what others think. Everyone has their own way of doing things. I do try to provide the best/better visual of proper use of the leash so that people don't think we are abusing our child and treating her like a dog. We aren't dragging her around/jerking on her arm behind us and forcing her to walk/run to keep up with us.

Just my thoughts on the leash scenario.
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Old 05-10-2010, 03:25 PM   #28
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

Miranda, with all her crazyness, does have the force field around her bed. I tried the leash with her once... she was 13 months old. it was a disaster.. got rid of it. I'd like to know how you leash train a human personally. lol

Miranda is now 5.5 and listens pretty well in parking lots.. thankfully.
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Old 05-10-2010, 04:09 PM   #29
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

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I can understand why you used the leash in this situation. It seemed like the safest way to get from Point A to Point B for you.

Question is, what would you have done if you had not had the leash? Not drop off the package? Just curious? Not being a smart butt.

I know that if it was me I would have either had to come back with someone with me another time, left DC at home while I did the errund, called the office to send someone out to help me or make dc hold onto me.

Sometimes when I'm in a situation like the above and I need dd to hold my skirt while we walk. I talk about it BEFORE we do it, I talk to her the whole time as we cross about holding onto my skirt tight as she can WHILE we are doing it and then I PRAISE her for listening and obeying so well when we get to Point B.

Never had a dc just jet off from me when I do this like ppl describe could happen. Now, is this because I just have PERFECT children who don't do the things yŠll describe? No. It is because there are consequences to bad choices. If we had been practicing this method as we walk through a dead parking lot to church and dd constantly refused to hold my skirt, then perhaps I would have chosen one of the other methods to drop the box off. Not lexturing you for using the leash. I'm just explaining how a leash isn't necessary for child rearing (even for emergencies).

Well, that is actually what I asked myself at the time and carrying her in on my back is what I would have preferred, but I didn't have a carrier. I thought about going in and asking if someone could come out and get it. We were just in a really bad part of town and I didn't want to be there even ONE second longer than necessary so I weighed it and picked the leash. I also considered coming back another time by myself, but it would have been a large waste of time as the place isn't close to us. Again, I weighed it and picked the leash for a couple minutes over losing over an hour of my time with nothing accomplished. I had planned to have her walk along with me - imagining from a parking lot to the door. Had to find plan B when we got there and found it wasn't a parking lot just parking along the side of the busy street. She is only 1 1/2 - we parent/teach in the way that has been described, absolute consistency, consequences, love and respect etc. She is just so young and there was absolutely no margin, not one second for me to drop the box and catch her if she went towards the very busy street instead of the door since we were right on the sidewalk with no grassy strip or anything. So yes, I could've went in and asked for help or come back another time, but putting a leash on her for about 5 minutes didn't seem like it would be in any way harmful to her physically or emotionally or have any negative impact on how and what we teach/parent her in general. It seemed the best alternative to me in that time and place.
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Old 05-10-2010, 04:24 PM   #30
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Re: if you're going to have them on a leash...

I see your baby isnt even a year? You might have a whole different insight on 3yr olds once yours turns 3
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