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Old 05-12-2010, 12:15 PM   #1
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MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

Ugh. My MIL is overbearing, to be nice. She lives in a world of her own. Loveable, I guess, but CRAZY. Don't worry, DH is in agreement with me on this. She's made it clear before that she HATES cloth diapers. Thinks they're stupid, pointless, gross, bad for his skin, etc. Fine, whatever. But she is now using this opinion of hers to push potty training on my son. She bought him a potty chair soon after he turned one. At the time I appreciated it because hey, we didn't have one yet. But now I see there were alternate motives behind it.

I leave him with her for a few hours on mondays...roughly from 2.30 (when I go to work) til about 5 (when DH gets home). I changed my work schedule to allow her time with him every week because she kept insisting on watching him more. I knew she was never a fan of the cloth but never thought it was such a huge issue with her, til DH started telling me some of the stuff he comes home to on mondays. Her basically chasing my son around with the potty chair, repeatedly insisting that he try sitting on it, her verbally bashing the cloth & our parenting based on that. She told DH one time "I can't believe you deal with that, having to change him every two hours, it's ridiculous." So...she'd want to leave him in a diaper for longer than that?! Is that normal?! Not to mention...she only watches him for maybe 3 hours a WEEK...meaning she only has to change him maybe once or twice a WEEK...it's really that big of an inconvenience? To the point where she thinks it's her place to start potty training him??

She'll send me texts saying "he was just sitting on the potty! almost went!" followed by pictures of him sitting on it. I never reply because if I did it would be something nasty. I'm so bothered by this. Nevermind that DS is NOT READY, barely showing ANY SIGNS of being ready for PTing, but once he is, she's probably making things a lot harder for us. Whenever the potty chair is out and I even suggest to it that he sit on it, he flips out. He *obviously* doesn't want to. She even goes to MY mom and says things like "I'm gonna buy him some pull-ups, he's so smart, he'll get it." My mom just laughs and tries to explain...it's not about intelligence, it's learning muscle control.

Ugh. He's not even two yet. Why is she pushing this so hard? Just because she doesn't like cloth? Does she really think she's helping? DH has seriously confronted her about it a few times and she just freaks out & starts crying, takes it super personally. She's impossible. It's to the point where we've discussed not letting her watch him for that long anymore. We're sick of dealing with it.

Besides - does she really think I'd be happy about the first time that he goes on the potty being with HER when I'm not around?! I'll be so hurt!! I'm not gonna let her take that away from me. I don't know what to do anymore.

Sorry for the long rant, thanks if you made it this far. Any opinions?

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Old 05-12-2010, 12:22 PM   #2
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

I would put the potty chair in the closet and tell her flat out that he is YOUR child and YOU will potty train him when he is ready. If she refuses to comply I would not allow her to watch him again.
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Old 05-12-2010, 12:22 PM   #3
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

MArtha- can I just say I love your siggy I hate the ATTATCHMENT PARENTING thing too- We cd, and BF and ERF but my kids sleep in their own beds. They like it and it works for us- I hate that I sometimes feel "not attatched" b/c of this as for your MIL- I would tell her to back off- she may freak him out with the putty and set you back a bunch!
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Old 05-12-2010, 12:23 PM   #4
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

Maybe her not watching him is a good option?
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Old 05-12-2010, 12:26 PM   #5
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

We've tried hiding the potty chair before...she snooped around the house for it, found it and brought it out again. Then confronted DH about hiding it. Flipped out, left in a huff. The last option is to not let her watch him but then I'll have to change around my whole work schedule & lose hours and argh...I really don't want to cause a huge rift.
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Old 05-12-2010, 12:27 PM   #6
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

What about getting rid of the potty chair? (stick it in your trunk if you have to! LOL)
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Old 05-12-2010, 12:34 PM   #7
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

That is nutty, glad your DH is on board with you. I'd hide (or throw out) the potty chair. Or, and you mentioned this, explain to her how special it would be for you to be able to be there when he went. Maybe then she'd see it as something she could give you rather than something you're taking away from her. Or, have you considered just letting him wear sposies for the 3 hours she's with him? I'd do that to keep the peace although I'm not convinced that's really the issue.

I see your DS is almost 2, so it may just be a matter of suffering through these next several months until you (and DS) are ready to really take on PTing, praying that she doesn't cause your DS too much stress and he ends up really fighting it. GL!
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Old 05-12-2010, 12:48 PM   #8
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

I'd put a sposie on him and put the potty in your trunk, then say nothing. Let dh deal with her, it's his mom!! My sister and mom lived in the same house for a few years and my mom babysat for my sister. Mom was always pushing early potty training. My niece is just now training at 33 months.
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Old 05-12-2010, 01:18 PM   #9
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

I think the biggest concern isn't really her pushing potty training but her lack of respect. She is an adult, this isn't all about her and you and your dh do not need to be walking on eggshells to protect her. What is all this doing to your son? What will she pick next when the cloth is in the past and he is actually potty learned? She is criticizing your parenting in front of your child, that isn't ok. If she can't grow up and be an adult she doesn't need to be watching your child. She shouldn't be getting bent out of shape that you want to wait till your son is ready to potty learn. An adult accepts the fact that their grown children will make different parenting decisions than they did and that it is ok. They do not sit around and bash those parenting decisions and try to force things on their grandchildren when their parents were kind enough to allow them to babysit when they wanted more time with said grandchild. She would have already gotten an earful from me and then she would have had reason to be hurt and upset because I can't say I'm very nice when it comes to protecting my kids.
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Old 05-12-2010, 01:22 PM   #10
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

See, I would love it if some potty taught my kids.
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