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Old 05-12-2010, 01:36 PM   #11
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

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Originally Posted by iris0110 View Post
I think the biggest concern isn't really her pushing potty training but her lack of respect. She is an adult, this isn't all about her and you and your dh do not need to be walking on eggshells to protect her. What is all this doing to your son? What will she pick next when the cloth is in the past and he is actually potty learned? She is criticizing your parenting in front of your child, that isn't ok. If she can't grow up and be an adult she doesn't need to be watching your child. She shouldn't be getting bent out of shape that you want to wait till your son is ready to potty learn. An adult accepts the fact that their grown children will make different parenting decisions than they did and that it is ok. They do not sit around and bash those parenting decisions and try to force things on their grandchildren when their parents were kind enough to allow them to babysit when they wanted more time with said grandchild. She would have already gotten an earful from me and then she would have had reason to be hurt and upset because I can't say I'm very nice when it comes to protecting my kids.


I always think "pick your battles" and this is one I would pick! If you let this one go, what will be next? I agree with pp that it's an issue of respecting your decisions and if she wants to be part of your family's life for more than just visits, respect is essential! While I would try to bring it to her nicely (as most people are not good with taking criticism in the first place) I would be very clear about your expectations and boundaries, otherwise it would be time to make changes eg. changing your schedule or finding other child care.

Just my honest opinion...

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Old 05-12-2010, 02:33 PM   #12
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

I agree with iris0110. Also, you need to let her know that pushing your ds to potty learn too early will only delay his potty learning later. He gets a negative feel about it now, he is going not want to later. Its going to make it harder for you too.

Tell her to back off and respect your wishes. Oh, and hide the potty chair in your car!!!
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Old 05-12-2010, 02:42 PM   #13
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

Put the potty chair in the trunk of your car and then she can't use it. If she gets another one tell her that if she keeps it up she will lose her visiting priveledges.
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Old 05-12-2010, 04:31 PM   #14
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

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Put the potty chair in the trunk of your car and then she can't use it. If she gets another one tell her that if she keeps it up she will lose her visiting priveledges.

If she pushes I'd throw the darned thing away.
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Old 05-12-2010, 05:29 PM   #15
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

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Originally Posted by iris0110 View Post
I think the biggest concern isn't really her pushing potty training but her lack of respect. She is an adult, this isn't all about her and you and your dh do not need to be walking on eggshells to protect her. What is all this doing to your son? What will she pick next when the cloth is in the past and he is actually potty learned? She is criticizing your parenting in front of your child, that isn't ok. If she can't grow up and be an adult she doesn't need to be watching your child. She shouldn't be getting bent out of shape that you want to wait till your son is ready to potty learn. An adult accepts the fact that their grown children will make different parenting decisions than they did and that it is ok. They do not sit around and bash those parenting decisions and try to force things on their grandchildren when their parents were kind enough to allow them to babysit when they wanted more time with said grandchild. She would have already gotten an earful from me and then she would have had reason to be hurt and upset because I can't say I'm very nice when it comes to protecting my kids.

I agree with EVERYTHING here.
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Old 05-12-2010, 05:36 PM   #16
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

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I would put the potty chair in the closet and tell her flat out that he is YOUR child and YOU will potty train him when he is ready. If she refuses to comply I would not allow her to watch him again.
Easier said than done, but yeah, that. She needs to understand it's your child, if she doesn't like the fact that he's in cloth diapers, that's fine, but you don't try and potty train someone else's kid to avoid changing the diaper..

I think it has to do with the fact she doesn't like changing them. maybe you can consider letting her buy disposables (or buying the more "green" ones for over there) if it bothers her so much and letting her use those? if that doesn't work, find someone else that will watch him. but really, if she wants to watch him, then she needs to just watch him, not worry about where he's going to the bathroom at.
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Old 05-12-2010, 06:55 PM   #17
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

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See, I would love it if some potty taught my kids.
I'm with you!! She did PT right before her 2nd b-day, basically by herself, but I wouldn't be opposed to somebody else trying to do it for me, as long as the kid was over 18 months and there's no bullying involved.
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Old 05-12-2010, 09:13 PM   #18
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

tell her you spoke to your ped about the issue and s/he said that unless dc is showing the signs of being ready (list a bunch off) that you should NOT push the issue because it could be traumatizing and make it more difficult to train him later on and that s/he highly suggests that you stop pushing things.

tell her you know she'll respect you and your husband's judgment on this and do what's best for your child.

then hide the potty (in your trunk if you have to)!

and in all honest, if she hates cloth that much, you may want to consider throwing a sposie on him (tushies are pretty good as far as being green goes). not for her sake, but for your son's - that can't be fun for him!

if all else fails tell her she needs to respect your judgment or she will not be allowed to watch ds anymore. then follow through.
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Old 05-12-2010, 09:40 PM   #19
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

Putting them on the potty young is not harmful (DS loves his potty!), it is FORCING it on them and pressuring them that is harmful. I'd love if the people who watched DS were willing to put him on his potty, but ONLY if they did it friendly and gently with no pressure, no forcing, etc. It is OBVIOUSLY effecting him in a negative way, which shows that she's not introducing the potty correctly. No matter his age, whether he's 4 months, 1 year, or 2 years old.. if it is introduced correctly, they won't react the way he did.
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Old 05-12-2010, 11:09 PM   #20
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

Is having your son be emotionally traumatized and possibly have toilet issues for the rest of his life worth not hurting her feelings? Seriously? Because he already has toilet issues from what you've said in your post. And that's pretty scary to me. At this point I'd just flat out put her in a time out, no warning. You've given her enough warnings. I don't think even telling her not to do it or she'll get cut off would help- I bet she'd just do it behind your back and lie about it.

Please, for your son's sake, get a new sitter at the very least. The fact that your DH agrees with you is a huge plus. Take advantage of his help! Good luck mama
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