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Old 05-13-2010, 12:17 AM   #21
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

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Originally Posted by crunch!910 View Post
Putting them on the potty young is not harmful (DS loves his potty!), it is FORCING it on them and pressuring them that is harmful. I'd love if the people who watched DS were willing to put him on his potty, but ONLY if they did it friendly and gently with no pressure, no forcing, etc. It is OBVIOUSLY effecting him in a negative way, which shows that she's not introducing the potty correctly. No matter his age, whether he's 4 months, 1 year, or 2 years old.. if it is introduced correctly, they won't react the way he did.
Are you kidding me? Lol!!! he is almost 2! I am not surprised he reacts that way, whether somebody has forced him or not. We were very gentle with PT, introduced it around 14 months and she would sit on it, sometimes even go on it. Around 19 months i decided to start a bit more seriously and she was VERY RESISTANT!! We had never forced her, but toddlers just have a will of their own! And sometimes they are totally irrational!!! Fortunately we weren't the type to push it further, I didn't bother trying to PT her from then, figured it would happen sometime, she had all the tools. She decided to start going by herself at 23 months and then it was easy, i really did nothing much except rewards.

I think that maybe if she wants to keep trying you need to introduce some rules, maybe just sit down with her and explain how you want to go about with PT. Give her some set guidelines that she can follow, and if she won't do it your way, then she can't do it. She may well decide that's too hard anyway and give up!

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Old 05-13-2010, 01:14 AM   #22
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

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I think the biggest concern isn't really her pushing potty training but her lack of respect. She is an adult, this isn't all about her and you and your dh do not need to be walking on eggshells to protect her. What is all this doing to your son? What will she pick next when the cloth is in the past and he is actually potty learned? She is criticizing your parenting in front of your child, that isn't ok. If she can't grow up and be an adult she doesn't need to be watching your child. She shouldn't be getting bent out of shape that you want to wait till your son is ready to potty learn. An adult accepts the fact that their grown children will make different parenting decisions than they did and that it is ok. They do not sit around and bash those parenting decisions and try to force things on their grandchildren when their parents were kind enough to allow them to babysit when they wanted more time with said grandchild. She would have already gotten an earful from me and then she would have had reason to be hurt and upset because I can't say I'm very nice when it comes to protecting my kids.
That. I would go so far as to put the potty seat on freecycle or a garage sale. They don't cost that much and why would you want something lying around the house that doesn't get any use and is just taking up space (and no, I'm not talking about the husband but the chair ). If she asks about the seat be honest, say that he was not ready to potty train and you don't want to force him. If she puts up a fuss have your husband her child tell her plainly that you guys are the parents and make all the decisions. If she doesn't agree, too bad so sad she can go birth more kids if she wants to make potty training decisions.
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Old 05-13-2010, 06:17 AM   #23
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

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Are you kidding me? Lol!!! he is almost 2! I am not surprised he reacts that way, whether somebody has forced him or not. We were very gentle with PT, introduced it around 14 months and she would sit on it, sometimes even go on it. Around 19 months i decided to start a bit more seriously and she was VERY RESISTANT!! We had never forced her, but toddlers just have a will of their own! And sometimes they are totally irrational!!! Fortunately we weren't the type to push it further, I didn't bother trying to PT her from then, figured it would happen sometime, she had all the tools. She decided to start going by herself at 23 months and then it was easy, i really did nothing much except rewards.
No, I'm not kidding at all, and I don't appreciate the "tone" that I'm getting from your post.

Putting a child on a potty is not harmful, no matter their age. It is the methods, attitude and approach you take while putting the child on the potty. And if the child is being effected negatively, she's obviously not taking the right approach and being too forceful.

You should peak on over at the Elimination Communication sub-forum to see all us crazy wackos that are putting our babies on potties (even better, holding them over a potty!) since birth. Maybe you've never heard of it so that is why you think what I said is so crazy, but it really is a very neat thing.
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Old 05-13-2010, 06:36 AM   #24
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

It sounds like she already is refusing to do what your DH and you have requested.

Frankly, you have two options:
1. let her do what she wants and be grateful she is helping you guys out (within reason)
2. if it is important enough to you all as parents to not allow her to do such things, then either find another sitter or move your hours around...sorry.

My mom watches my kids once a month. She does not do everything my way and I cannot expect her to but there are deal breakers (and she knows them). My MIL refuses to watch our kids because we had too many.

- hope it all works out sooner than later!
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Old 05-13-2010, 08:26 AM   #25
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

I think it sounds like she wants to be involved in your son's life and be able to teach him important things. Tell her she can teach him to make cookies, but not poopies.
If he's not showing signs of being ready to learn, then her chasing him around with a potty chair is not going to help him with anything.
But I think the bigger issue here is that she is so blatantly disrespecting you and your DH as parents. You both should sit down and talk to her about that. Explain to her how what she's doing is making you feel, and that it is not acceptable grandparent behavior. Especially the part about dissing your decisions to your DS (they understand more than we think). Tell her that you understand she disagrees with some things, but that it is not her place to change them. Her place as grandmother is to love and cherish her grandchildren, and tell them stories and teach them to bake. She doesn't have to do the stuff like potty training and homework, and all that unpleasantness. She already did that.
I think with so many grandparents raising their grandchildren these days, the art of actually grandparenting is being lost. Tell her here's her opportunity to reclaim it.
And give her some sposies and put the potty chair in the trunk.
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Old 05-13-2010, 09:01 AM   #26
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

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Originally Posted by beaute_marquee View Post
I think it sounds like she wants to be involved in your son's life and be able to teach him important things. Tell her she can teach him to make cookies, but not poopies.
If he's not showing signs of being ready to learn, then her chasing him around with a potty chair is not going to help him with anything.
But I think the bigger issue here is that she is so blatantly disrespecting you and your DH as parents. You both should sit down and talk to her about that. Explain to her how what she's doing is making you feel, and that it is not acceptable grandparent behavior. Especially the part about dissing your decisions to your DS (they understand more than we think). Tell her that you understand she disagrees with some things, but that it is not her place to change them. Her place as grandmother is to love and cherish her grandchildren, and tell them stories and teach them to bake. She doesn't have to do the stuff like potty training and homework, and all that unpleasantness. She already did that.
I think with so many grandparents raising their grandchildren these days, the art of actually grandparenting is being lost. Tell her here's her opportunity to reclaim it.
And give her some sposies and put the potty chair in the trunk.
Yes, this and I think there is a really *nice* way of going about it...something like:

We want you to have fun with DS and not have to worry about having to potty train or anything of that nature. We appreciate you wanting to "help" but we will take care of such matters because WE are the PARENTS. We just want you to enjoy him and have fun with him. This is how we got my mom to stop insisting that our kids always had to have a clean plate...
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Old 05-13-2010, 09:10 AM   #27
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

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Originally Posted by iris0110 View Post
I think the biggest concern isn't really her pushing potty training but her lack of respect. She is an adult, this isn't all about her and you and your dh do not need to be walking on eggshells to protect her. What is all this doing to your son? What will she pick next when the cloth is in the past and he is actually potty learned? She is criticizing your parenting in front of your child, that isn't ok. If she can't grow up and be an adult she doesn't need to be watching your child. She shouldn't be getting bent out of shape that you want to wait till your son is ready to potty learn. An adult accepts the fact that their grown children will make different parenting decisions than they did and that it is ok. They do not sit around and bash those parenting decisions and try to force things on their grandchildren when their parents were kind enough to allow them to babysit when they wanted more time with said grandchild. She would have already gotten an earful from me and then she would have had reason to be hurt and upset because I can't say I'm very nice when it comes to protecting my kids.

I'm just going to ditto this. It's about more than whether she's willing to "deal" with CDs and/or wants your DS to be potty-trained. DH needs to make it clear that y'all are the parents and when and how PTing happens is up to you.
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Old 05-13-2010, 09:22 AM   #28
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

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Originally Posted by crunch!910 View Post
No, I'm not kidding at all, and I don't appreciate the "tone" that I'm getting from your post.

Putting a child on a potty is not harmful, no matter their age. It is the methods, attitude and approach you take while putting the child on the potty. And if the child is being effected negatively, she's obviously not taking the right approach and being too forceful.

You should peak on over at the Elimination Communication sub-forum to see all us crazy wackos that are putting our babies on potties (even better, holding them over a potty!) since birth. Maybe you've never heard of it so that is why you think what I said is so crazy, but it really is a very neat thing.
I'm sorry. I have heard of EC and taken a look. I am interested in it, but just not sure I have the time or commitment, since PT was quite easy for us. But seriously, I just think that toddlers can be very irrational and resistant to things, esp if it's a 2 year old that hasn't been EC'd. So i just wouldn't say that a child of any age that is reacting that way has obviously been forced. Only because my daughter did react that way at around that age and she hadn't been forced at all! I totally agree with not forcing a kid who isn't ready, and just to keep trying gently. I think if it was my MIL and she was willing to sit down with me and work with me, and discuss how to PT appropriately I would not mind so much. It all depends on what sort of person she is.
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Old 05-13-2010, 09:32 AM   #29
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

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I would put the potty chair in the closet and tell her flat out that he is YOUR child and YOU will potty train him when he is ready. If she refuses to comply I would not allow her to watch him again.
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Old 05-13-2010, 11:07 AM   #30
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Re: MIL insisting potty training...on *my* kid?!

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Originally Posted by jeebee View Post
I'm sorry. I have heard of EC and taken a look. I am interested in it, but just not sure I have the time or commitment, since PT was quite easy for us. But seriously, I just think that toddlers can be very irrational and resistant to things, esp if it's a 2 year old that hasn't been EC'd. So i just wouldn't say that a child of any age that is reacting that way has obviously been forced. Only because my daughter did react that way at around that age and she hadn't been forced at all! I totally agree with not forcing a kid who isn't ready, and just to keep trying gently. I think if it was my MIL and she was willing to sit down with me and work with me, and discuss how to PT appropriately I would not mind so much. It all depends on what sort of person she is.
The problem is that the OP's MIL is not interested in doing things in a positive way. The OP has stated her MIL is chasing her toddler around the house with the potty trying to force him to use it, and not because she wants a bonding experience or to do something with her grandchild but because she doesn't approve of the use of cloth diapers. She does not respect her son and his wife as parents and has taken it upon herself to make the decision to potty train their child before he is showing signs of potty readiness and probably worse than that she is bad mouthing his parents in front of him. This is not a healthy situation for the OP, for her dh or most of all for her ds. If the MIL was just wanting to encourage him gently to use the potty while she is sitting with him, or was willing to continue potty training progress that the OP had made with her child it would be a different issue all together. This is about respect, and the OP's MIL does not respect her. Potty training is just one of dozens of issues they may not agree on in the life of this child. If MIL is already showing that she will undermine her son and DIL at every turn, and badmouth them to their son when she doesn't agree with their parenting decisions what is it going to be like when this child is school aged? He may not understand a whole lot now, but when he hits 3 and grandma is badmouthing the way his mommy and daddy parent him how is he going to feel? It is a bad situation and it needs dealt with now.
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