Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-12-2010, 10:10 PM   #1
Janine's Avatar
Janine
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 8,085
My Mood:
Unhappy Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

I'm at a loss for what to do. DD is almost 20-months and nightime is becoming a battle. She goes to bed at 8:00 without incident, but within 5 minutes of me leaving her room she starts wailing. It isn't right away, but it happens every night. I have tried going in and rocking her, holding her, rubbing her back, and everything else I can think of any nothing works. She takes zero comfort in any of it and just continues to scream. The only thing that works is going to bed and bringing her into bed with me. Now I'm not opposed to co-sleeping. We did it every night for the first 9 months and a few times a month ever since then. But ever since she was 11-months or so she has been a nightmare to co-sleep with. She kicks, and headbuts, and punches, and all that. Not on purpose of course. She is completely asleep. But I basically get no sleep at all. If I try to put her back in her crib at night (her crib is right next to my bed), she will always wake up and start the whole frantic screaming all over again. I admit that I have let her CIO in a moment of desperation. I hate to say that it seems to work better, because it feels wrong to do. But it means 10 minutes of on and off (mostly off) crying/whimpering as opposed to the frantic screaming she starts doing when I go in to her and the sleepless night that follows. Is there a 3rd alternative I'm missing? I hate to leave her cry, but I'm exhausted from lack of sleep and I miss spending time with DH. I feel like I don't have a good solution.

Advertisement

Janine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2010, 10:21 PM   #2
nalazimbala's Avatar
nalazimbala
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: arkansas
Posts: 1,061
Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janine View Post
But it means 10 minutes of on and off (mostly off) crying/whimpering as opposed to the frantic screaming she starts doing when I go in to her and the sleepless night that follows. Is there a 3rd alternative I'm missing? I hate to leave her cry, but I'm exhausted from lack of sleep and I miss spending time with DH. I feel like I don't have a good solution.
If it's really just 10 minutes of mostly not crying, then I wouldn't really consider that CIO (others may disagree?). That just seems like she needs that to put herself back to sleep? Is she even really awake while she's doing it or is she kind of half asleep? If she does "whimper" for that 10 minutes before she goes to sleep, how does she sleep the rest of the night?

We have coslept w/ DD & DS and have been very anti CIO, but if DD woke up and was left alone, she wouldn't go back to sleep on her own (she would cry until someone came to get her)...she has always had to be parented to sleep. But it sounds like your DD may be able to put herself down?
__________________
Lisa -mother to ER (07/07), ET (10/09), EM (05/13) & wife to Carter
Get $30 off your first order at Gilt.com
nalazimbala is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2010, 10:27 PM   #3
frenchie's Avatar
frenchie
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Surf City USA
Posts: 4,604
My Mood:
Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

I wish I could offer you some advice, but we have co-slept with our kids. I will say, the kicking/punching thing stopped when we got a bigger bed. We used to have a Queen, and switched to a Cal King. That eliminated the nightly beatings Perhaps somebody else who has BTDT will have an immediate, and much cheaper solution
__________________
Angie homeschooling mom to Kai and Gidget Homeschooling; it's like always being on a field trip but you don't have to walk in a single file line.
frenchie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2010, 10:28 PM   #4
isabelsmomma's Avatar
isabelsmomma
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 864
My Mood:
Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

My DD went through the exact same thing around the same age. We ended up moving her to a big girl bed and that made a big difference. mama I know it is hard. I also read "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" which had some good ideas in there. Just know that it doesnt last forever, though it feels like it in the moment. Thinking of you and sending good sleep vibes.....
__________________
Lisa, child of the One True King, momma to Beanie 5/08 , soon to be adoptive momma to Tank 6/13 and foster for now/hoping to be forever momma to Blue 1/13 and wife to the love of my life The Fun One 10/02
isabelsmomma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2010, 10:30 PM   #5
nalazimbala's Avatar
nalazimbala
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: arkansas
Posts: 1,061
Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

Quote:
Originally Posted by frenchie View Post
I wish I could offer you some advice, but we have co-slept with our kids. I will say, the kicking/punching thing stopped when we got a bigger bed. We used to have a Queen, and switched to a Cal King. That eliminated the nightly beatings Perhaps somebody else who has BTDT will have an immediate, and much cheaper solution
I'm jealous...we sooo need a king. We have me, hubby, DD (2.5) & DS (6m) all in our queen bed and it is CRAMPED! It doesn't help that DD is all over the place all night long.
__________________
Lisa -mother to ER (07/07), ET (10/09), EM (05/13) & wife to Carter
Get $30 off your first order at Gilt.com
nalazimbala is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2010, 10:32 PM   #6
GEM Cloth's Avatar
GEM Cloth
Registered Users
Formerly: michellemomx3
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 11,654
My Mood:
Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

My first thought is to go to bed with her and then get up when she's asleep. We've done that tons of times. In fact I still do it with my 3yo son.

Oh yeah we have a king size bed too. Couldn't live without that thing!
__________________
Michelle, mom to DD (7/9/99), DD (11/12/01), and DS (4/17/07); wife to DH (8/31/96)
GEM (Green and Economical by Michelle) Cloth
~*~REUSABLE CLOTH PAD SETS~*~ NOW SHIPPING OUTSIDE U.S.~*~
GEM Cloth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2010, 10:37 PM   #7
frenchie's Avatar
frenchie
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Surf City USA
Posts: 4,604
My Mood:
Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

Quote:
Originally Posted by nalazimbala View Post
I'm jealous...we sooo need a king. We have me, hubby, DD (2.5) & DS (6m) all in our queen bed and it is CRAMPED! It doesn't help that DD is all over the place all night long.
How on Earth do you guys make that work. DH and I can't even sleep comfortably on a Queen together...and we're NOT big people! We just like space. We have a Cal King that we turned on it's side (Cal King is just a long King) so we have A LOT of room. All 3 of us can spread out...and DS even has room if he gets scared at night.
__________________
Angie homeschooling mom to Kai and Gidget Homeschooling; it's like always being on a field trip but you don't have to walk in a single file line.
frenchie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2010, 10:43 PM   #8
nalazimbala's Avatar
nalazimbala
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: arkansas
Posts: 1,061
Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

Quote:
Originally Posted by frenchie View Post
How on Earth do you guys make that work. DH and I can't even sleep comfortably on a Queen together...and we're NOT big people! We just like space. We have a Cal King that we turned on it's side (Cal King is just a long King) so we have A LOT of room. All 3 of us can spread out...and DS even has room if he gets scared at night.
I guess you just do what you gotta do to keep the little people happy. We thought we did a great job of getting DD transitioned to her big girl bed before DS arrived, but of course when he was abt 3 months old, she decided she needed in bed with us too.
__________________
Lisa -mother to ER (07/07), ET (10/09), EM (05/13) & wife to Carter
Get $30 off your first order at Gilt.com
nalazimbala is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-13-2010, 12:10 AM   #9
zacifer
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: California's Beautiful Central Coast
Posts: 1,294
My Mood:
Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

I went through the same thing with my first son. I do not co sleep b/c it FREAKS me out. I'm so nervous with the babes in bed with me that I sleep as stiff as a board and really...don't sleep. It always looks so cozy to fall asleep with a baby, but I can just never do it. But like I said, I went through the same thing. However, my son had always slept on his own. But all of a sudden he went through a stage at about a year old when he DID NOT want to go to sleep. Same thing...I tried every gentle way of getting him to go to sleep but all he wanted to do was come be in bed with us, which was weird b/c we never co slept. And when he got in bed with us, he just wanted to play. I was against crying it out and DID NOT want to do it. But I felt he left me with no options. I tried EVERYTHING! So with much guilt we did CIO. And...after a long week...it worked. Now 2 more kids later, I DO believe in CIO. Do I like it? NO!!! So far it is my MOST unfavorate part of parenting. I'd rather potty train! BUT...I know that if I've tried everything else to put them to bed gently and they are refusing, well then....a good lesson in self soothing is in need. I ALWAYS make sure they have their lovies, pacis, sippies....whatever that child finds comfort in. I make sure they are warm and cozy. I put on the fan for white noise if they like it. Turn on the lullibies if they like it. I do EVERYTHING I know that they like, and then I just need to step away and let them learn a lesson in independence. Oh, and I go get on my knees and beg God to make them learn quick. LOL!
zacifer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-13-2010, 12:25 AM   #10
Winter
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Where the wild things are...
Posts: 2,543
Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

DS was sleeping in his crib and with us 50/50 up until about 2 months ago when DH said he'd worn out his welcome. I was not happy, but DS was getting to the point that he thought bedtime was playtime and he would not settle easily. When we put him in his crib, he would hop up and down like a little troll and scream. So, sadly, we moved him to his own room and set up the Angel Care monitor. At that point he was still getting up 5-6 times a night. Now, 2 months later, he is sleeping through the night! Partly because I find it harder to get up and walk all the way to his room to get him so many times in a night, and partly because I knew that he had to learn to self-soothe at some point or it would become a dependancy that I would find difficult to change as he got older. So he nurses before bed, goes down with a soother and his Ocean Wonders Aquarium on, and he is asleep within 15 minutes. He wakes in the night 2 times, but I don't go to him unless he is crying for more than 5 minutes, and he has slept through the night since Mother's Day. It is so hard to let your baby cry, but sometimes it helps them to do it for the first week and then they find that they are used to the change and they cry a little less each night. Before you know it, they are slipping off to sleep without tears and you will find you're getting more Zs. HTH!

Oh, and we have a king sized bed too, but we sprawl and I worried I would let DH roll on him, so it was hard to sleep with him in the bed if he actually would fall asleep.

Last edited by Winter; 05-13-2010 at 12:28 AM.
Winter is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.