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Old 05-13-2010, 06:10 AM   #11
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Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

I don't believe in letting newborns or infants CIO... but honestly, now that DS is older and having awful sleep habits (that are effecting him during the day and having so little sleep is not healthy for him), and the gentle methods not working... we've resorted to CIO... and for the first time in over a month he slept a whole 7 hr stretch. Before we'd be lucky to get a 3 hr stretch. He's going to be so much more well rested today.

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Old 05-13-2010, 06:20 AM   #12
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Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

If she is not screaming frantically but pretty much wimpering when she is alone in the room and it's only ten minutes I would try to stick with that. Maybe if you don't already, give her a stuffed animal to cuddle with, stick on a night light and turn on some music.
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Old 05-13-2010, 06:33 AM   #13
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Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

If she's not wailing for 10 minutes and just whimpering I don't really consider that crying it out. We never had a problem with DD, we all do better if she's in her own crib and in her own room. But we've done that from like the 6 week point so it's been really natural and she is great going to bed. I'm not against co-sleeping, it just wasn't right for us when DD was younger (I was doing chemo), but it seems to have worked out best anyways for us. Do you have a bedtime routine? I think that really helps us. Bathtime, reading, turn the music on and go to bed at 8:30, its the same thing every night.
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Old 05-13-2010, 08:38 AM   #14
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Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

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I guess you just do what you gotta do to keep the little people happy. We thought we did a great job of getting DD transitioned to her big girl bed before DS arrived, but of course when he was abt 3 months old, she decided she needed in bed with us too.
My hats are off to you momma. We slept in a Queen with DS, and bought a king before DD arrived. When we look at a Queen now, we are astonished...and we wonder HOW all 3 of us slept on it together. It's amazing how much difference 6" makes.
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Old 05-13-2010, 08:56 AM   #15
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Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

Thank you all for your comments. We do indeed have a bedtime routine, which I think is helping. We are just now trying to be really consistent about that. Just to clarify, during the 10 minutes she does scream, for about 2 seconds, then calm down, then a couple minutes later scream for a few more seconds, then calm down, etc. So it is more than whimpering, but it isn't constant screaming for 10 minutes either. Thank you so much for your comments and help. I was really torn up over it last night. I have no idea if she is old enough to start realizing that if she cries then she can get in bed with us. I'm trying not to create bad habits, but I'm not even sure if she is old enough to put two and two together and do that. Anyhow, thanks again. I guess it isn't technically CIO to some, but boy does it tug on my heart strings.

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Old 05-13-2010, 08:59 AM   #16
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Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

I think you should continue with your CIO method. If you KNOW that nothing is wrong and she is fed, changed, etc., then it is just a matter of her learning that bed time is not negotiable. She will get it. I have one like this too. She cannot be soothed or gently put to sleep. Any attention is over stimulation for her and we did do CIO. Took three days and that was it and she is a very good sleeper. Every now and then we have to do a tough day or two of relearning that bed time is not play time but overall, very easy sleeper and napper. Besides that, we are not talking about a baby, correct? She is almost two years old and capable of learning some basic house rules like bed time is for sleeping.
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Old 05-13-2010, 09:00 AM   #17
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Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

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I'm at a loss for what to do. DD is almost 20-months and nightime is becoming a battle. She goes to bed at 8:00 without incident, but within 5 minutes of me leaving her room she starts wailing. It isn't right away, but it happens every night. I have tried going in and rocking her, holding her, rubbing her back, and everything else I can think of any nothing works. She takes zero comfort in any of it and just continues to scream. The only thing that works is going to bed and bringing her into bed with me. Now I'm not opposed to co-sleeping. We did it every night for the first 9 months and a few times a month ever since then. But ever since she was 11-months or so she has been a nightmare to co-sleep with. She kicks, and headbuts, and punches, and all that. Not on purpose of course. She is completely asleep. But I basically get no sleep at all. If I try to put her back in her crib at night (her crib is right next to my bed), she will always wake up and start the whole frantic screaming all over again. I admit that I have let her CIO in a moment of desperation. I hate to say that it seems to work better, because it feels wrong to do. But it means 10 minutes of on and off (mostly off) crying/whimpering as opposed to the frantic screaming she starts doing when I go in to her and the sleepless night that follows. Is there a 3rd alternative I'm missing? I hate to leave her cry, but I'm exhausted from lack of sleep and I miss spending time with DH. I feel like I don't have a good solution.
Wow! DS2 started this business a few weeks ago at 21 months. He had been sleeping just fine in his toddler bed and suddenly began pitching a fit a few minutes after we left the room. We spent a week trying to figure out how to help him. Going in and loving on him just ticked him off worse. Talking to him without touching him made it worse. We brought him back in to our bed with us and that didn't soothe him either. I was convinced something was bothering him, so we took him to the ped, had his ears checked, checked white blood cell count, did a urine sample, took a good look at teeth to see if that was bothering him. Nothing showed up. No UTI, ear infection, or elevated WBC count. Giving him pain relievers did nothing to settle him.

And of course, this started right before a trip that couldn't be rescheduled, so he did this for 3 nights while my parents dealt with it. They did everything that we did and had no luck until they put him in time out for fussing. So he fussed in the corner for a while and then went to bed after that and was quiet. When we got home, we tried it a time or two when we got home, but I'm just not too fond of the time out for crying tears business.

So we resorted to allowing him to fuss it out in his bed. He will carry on for up to 15 minutes before he settles down. (This is after we tuck him in and he is perfectly happy.) If we go in and try to help, he becomes a mess and it can take over an hour for him to settle back down.

Sometimes he'll do it in the middle of the night and we've had the same exact results. The middle of the night thing happens more often if he hasn't had a good nap or is overly tired.

I'm thinking at this point that he wants to sleep, knows that's what he's supposed to be doing, but when he lays in bed for a few minutes and it doesn't happen, he gets frustrated and then the fussing leads to more fussing and frustration. He's at an age where EVERYTHING frustrates him.

Sometimes at this age, they just need the time and space to work things out on their own it would seem.
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Old 05-13-2010, 09:01 AM   #18
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Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

just saw your updated posts...I really think you are under estimating your little one. They are capable of learning many cause and effect situations. She will learn that a few screams gets her what she wants. In fact, she probably already learned that and that is why she is not giving up without a fit. Toddlers are all about testing those limits.
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Old 05-13-2010, 09:17 AM   #19
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Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

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Wow! DS2 started this business a few weeks ago at 21 months. He had been sleeping just fine in his toddler bed and suddenly began pitching a fit a few minutes after we left the room. We spent a week trying to figure out how to help him. Going in and loving on him just ticked him off worse. Talking to him without touching him made it worse. We brought him back in to our bed with us and that didn't soothe him either. I was convinced something was bothering him, so we took him to the ped, had his ears checked, checked white blood cell count, did a urine sample, took a good look at teeth to see if that was bothering him. Nothing showed up. No UTI, ear infection, or elevated WBC count. Giving him pain relievers did nothing to settle him.

And of course, this started right before a trip that couldn't be rescheduled, so he did this for 3 nights while my parents dealt with it. They did everything that we did and had no luck until they put him in time out for fussing. So he fussed in the corner for a while and then went to bed after that and was quiet. When we got home, we tried it a time or two when we got home, but I'm just not too fond of the time out for crying tears business.

So we resorted to allowing him to fuss it out in his bed. He will carry on for up to 15 minutes before he settles down. (This is after we tuck him in and he is perfectly happy.) If we go in and try to help, he becomes a mess and it can take over an hour for him to settle back down.

Sometimes he'll do it in the middle of the night and we've had the same exact results. The middle of the night thing happens more often if he hasn't had a good nap or is overly tired.

I'm thinking at this point that he wants to sleep, knows that's what he's supposed to be doing, but when he lays in bed for a few minutes and it doesn't happen, he gets frustrated and then the fussing leads to more fussing and frustration. He's at an age where EVERYTHING frustrates him.

Sometimes at this age, they just need the time and space to work things out on their own it would seem.
To the first bolded part, exactly! That is sooo what she does. If I try and help it makes everything sooo much worse. To the second bolded part, I think you are absolutely right. She definitely wants to sleep, she brings us her blanket when it gets near bedtime (her way of showing that she is ready to nap or sleep), and is thrilled to be in her crib, but gets upset afterwards. It very well could be frustration. Thanks!

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just saw your updated posts...I really think you are under estimating your little one. They are capable of learning many cause and effect situations. She will learn that a few screams gets her what she wants. In fact, she probably already learned that and that is why she is not giving up without a fit. Toddlers are all about testing those limits.
Yeah, she is my first. I always recall people saying that infants can't "manipulate" (goodness that sounds awful, but you know what I mean) situations like that, which I wholeheartedly agree with. But I honestly wasn't sure when they were old enough to do that, if that makes sense. I know infants can't and teenagers can, but what age in between do they learn that, I just didn't know. LOL. Thanks.

Last edited by Janine; 05-13-2010 at 09:20 AM.
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Old 05-13-2010, 10:26 AM   #20
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Re: Starting to Feel Like CIO is My Only Option

aw I've gone through this with all my kids too It is hard, but really, after about a week or two, they get it- and it stops. I am very anti-CIO, and I've co-slept with all my babies till around 15-18 months old... then we transition them into their own bed, and I've resorted to CIO, but I dont find it to be "damaging" at that age, especially when they really only cry 5-15 minutes then pass right out.
I think you've got it under control and you'll be surprised how much easier this gets after a week or two. Good luck
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