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Old 05-14-2010, 04:02 PM   #1
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vent! Family is not supporting me!

So I am due in 3 weeks with our first LO. I have been using a midwife for all prenatal care and have had 2 ultrasounds elsewhere. I plan on a water birth in her office because her office is in town where there is a hospital if something should go wrong. We live about an hour from a hospital, so we figured that would be safer, just in case.
Well, most of my family has had their opinions about me wanting to do this naturally. No epidural, and not in a hospital. My aunt told me there is no way that I can deliver a baby with no meds, that it feels like you are going to rip in half. My step-dad told me he wouldn't let me not deliver in a hospital if it were up to him because I have never had a baby before and I don't know what I'm getting myself into. Another aunt is a neonatal nurse. She didn't say anything about the birth, but she was concerned about the baby afterwards.
The only person that has been supportive (other then my wonderful DH) is my mom. Well today she said that I should consider a hospital. That once this baby starts to come I'm gonna have wished I had the choice for an epidural.

I am getting so scared now!!!! After all, I haven't had a baby and can't imagine what it will feel like. I was already having a hard time because I am not excited about this anymore, but now I am scared that they are right and that I am putting myself and my baby in harm. Plus, I am going through the pain of natural childbirth without any meds to help, even though they are there.
I need to feel better about my original decision. I just don't know what to think or do now

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Old 05-14-2010, 04:22 PM   #2
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Re: vent! Family is not supporting me!

You can do it! I wish I would have had a home birth with my only little one. All of my labor was at home since I arrived at the hospital fully dialated. The hospital can make you nervous and dialate slower. Plus at home or at your midwife's office you'll be able to labor any way you desire. Don't let them talk you into going to the hospital on the chance that you might want an epidural. Humans have been doing it for far longer without drugs than with drugs. *hugs* I know I'm telling you everything you already know... Whatever you and your husband choose is the "right" decision Good luck!
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Old 05-14-2010, 04:33 PM   #3
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Re: vent! Family is not supporting me!

Oh don't listen to them! Really! I had my first (twins) naturally and it's true that you don't know what you're getting yourself into, but at the same time, it's in your benefit too. Lots of people choose to give birth naturally so it can't be that bad right?? You're doing the right thing and don't let people scare you. People LOVE to do that to first timers!! Good luck and I can't wait to read your wonderful birth story!
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Old 05-14-2010, 04:41 PM   #4
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Re: vent! Family is not supporting me!

Don't let them talk you into something you don't want to do and definitely don't let it ruin your birth! I think that you just need to prepare mentally for the birth. I read a lot of natural birthing stories. It is going to hurt but it is a means to an end - your baby is coming into this world! It is supposed to hurt so you should not be fearful when it does. Plus, you get pain free breaks in between. It is an amazing experience that I would not have traded for a few pain free hours. I did have a natural birth in a hospital and I was not in the water so I can't speak to that, but I most definitely did not feel like I was going to rip apart. Labor is not a sickness you need medicine for.
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Old 05-14-2010, 04:43 PM   #5
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Re: vent! Family is not supporting me!

Don't listen to them mama! You can do it! It is painful,I'm not going to lie but sounds like you're a strong woman and you'll handle it just fine. If you chose to give birth in a birthing center then they have no right to tell you that you can't. Sounds to me like you have thought this through and done a good job of doing so. It's not like you won't have any medical attention and a hospital close by if you need it. You're going to be just fine and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. to you for how frustrating this must be for you.
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Old 05-14-2010, 04:56 PM   #6
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Re: vent! Family is not supporting me!

RUN to the library and get you some good reading material! Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, Pushed by Jennifer Block are good ones. you CAN do this, I've done it twice. my two natural birth's came AFTER my epidural birth, and I would have another in a heartbeat. Get yourself some good positive reading, google good natural birth stories, and IGNORE THE FAMILY! Good luck mama!
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Old 05-14-2010, 04:57 PM   #7
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Re: vent! Family is not supporting me!

This is YOUR birth, not theirs. Its you that has to live with the outcome. I've read time and time again on this forum and others where women have regretting not following their instincts on how they wanted their birth.

Having a baby can be scary, but it sounds like you have all the right things in place to make it safe and comfortable. It is painful, but, as long as you're prepared, you will do fine!!! Birth is a very natural process...if you're not high risk, why make it more complicated than it has to be??

And honestly, the most painful parts of labor for me were when I started panicking and not focusing on staying calm and trusting my body. Preparation in relaxation and breathing techniques are essential.

AAAND, if it really comes down to it, you can always be transferred to the hossy if you feel like you really need pain meds

You're going to do great!!
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Old 05-14-2010, 05:02 PM   #8
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Re: vent! Family is not supporting me!

it is true that with #1 there is no way someone can prepare you for that, and yes you do feel like your ripping in half (at least with my chunkies) HOWEVER, it's not as bad as it sounds. Everyone has different pain levels and thresholds. Besides, youa re going to be near a hossy so if you really want to go, you can at anytime!

I also hate how doc's make it sound like you and the baby are lucky to survive childbirth. With my first 3 I felt like I had no control, and really didn't, unable to move without fear of being screamed at (monitors would freak out when I moved and the nurses would flip out for having to come in thinking something was wrong), I was told baby is having a hard time (HR would drop during transition, did with the first 3 and I'm sure it did with #4 but I was in a tub, relaxed as much as possible), and this and that to the point where I'd be in tears petrafied and after so grateful we were "saved"

Truth is, I had alot less trouble witht his last one, different hossy. I was rarely monitored and labored how I wanted, I had complete freedom. Dh was an amazing support, the nurse rand me a hot bath with EO's and sfot music, and candle light. At the end yes there was some screaming and I did feel like a chicken being pulled apart, but had NO stitches, my PP flow was done in a week and me and baby couldn't have been healthier, and she was 8lbs 10 oz, 1 lb smaller than my oldest but almost 2 #'s bigger than the middle 2.

YOu can do it, or at least try. Main thing is, stay calm, and let things move naturally, and yes scream if you need to, don't be ashamed! (I also called Dh a Mother F*er)
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Old 05-14-2010, 05:11 PM   #9
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Re: vent! Family is not supporting me!

I also found that when I felt I NEEDED pain meds, I was ready to push, which helps. Pushing hirts i a good way kindda like scratching an itch, plua you feel empowered. #'s2-4 took 2 pushes each, and #1 took just a few pushes (plus with the epi I couldn't feel what I was doing and tore badly, if by some miracle DH's V reversed itself, I'd go med free in the water all over again, in a heartbeat!).
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Old 05-14-2010, 05:12 PM   #10
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Re: vent! Family is not supporting me!

ohhh and read some birthing stories in the birth announcements forum, great motivation!!!
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