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Old 05-16-2010, 01:25 PM   #1
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Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

Update...after reading many replies and opinions, I have decided to continue to educate her on the subject. I will not, however give her birth control "just incase". I know this is not what many of you believe, but I feel in order to do my job correctly, I must follow a certain path of educating, then following through with what I am conveying towards her.

If she has taken what I have taught her to heart, she will choose on her own, with out me leading her to a particular path. I just can not "hand her" what she wants.

I can however...be a parent, educate, and follow through, until she is a bit older.
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Okay...long story short...

I have a 15 yr. old daughter, who has never been in a serious relationship, THANK GOD. She goes from one boy to the next, every month or two. So nothing serious. I don't allow her to date, other than going places in groups, and I am quite open with her about what I expect, etc. Also, I might add that she is rarely doing something that I do not know about. I only allow her to go on short excursions, with her girlfriends, or sleepovers where the parents have similar house rules as we do...no Boys hanging out all night, etc. no drop offs at the mall for long periods, etc. Most of her girlfriends have parents that do not allow their daughters to date unsupervised.

So, last week, she randomly says..."Mom, can I go on the pill soon?" "Why?" I ask.

"Well, just in case". she replies. "Maybe, when I turn 16?"

"Just in case, what? You do not have my permission to have sex at such a young age." I reply...of course trying to look as calm as posible.

Then, I proceed to tell her that sex is not even that enjoyable when you are young, and that it takes years to perfect it with someone you love. Not to meantion, marriage might be nice.

Good grief! I do not want my "child" having sex, yet! I had her when I was really young, and missed out on alot of things because I was such a young mother. She knows how I feel on the subject, and we have talked about, alot.

I want her to realize that sex is not important right now, and she has her whole life ahead of her. She has plenty of time to do the deed later, hopefully when she is like 21 or married or something!

What to DO!??

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Last edited by Colleeny; 05-16-2010 at 03:37 PM.
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Old 05-16-2010, 01:40 PM   #2
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

Hmm. If she's "going from one boy to the next", exactly how is that not dating? And to tell her that sex is not enjoyable when you're young? That sounds like a statement begging to be disproven to the average teenager! If she's asking to go on the pill soon, that is a clear indication that she believes that she needs reliable birth control--and to me, that sounds like she's already quite close to having sex if not already doing it. Hate to be the bearer of bad news and all, but..

Being in denial about your "baby's" sexuality will not prevent a teen pregnancy, but the pill probably will. Good luck with this one mama.
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Old 05-16-2010, 01:45 PM   #3
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

No, you don't give her permission but that does not mean she is going to follow it. It could be she is considering it, it could be just a status thing, personally I would let her. You can still teach her the same values but without taking the risk of her having sex out of rebellion. It sucks, but that is just teens tor you. Just be sure she knows about the pill not preventing stds. I guess I just feel that since she was straight up with you, she is mature enough to know that you getting her the pill isn't giving her permission.
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Old 05-16-2010, 01:47 PM   #4
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

I guess she is dating...if you call seeing the boy in school during the day, ans sitting with him on the bus, etc. She calls it dating, but I don't. I don't argue it with her, but that is her "dating". She literally has only been out with a group of friends twice this enire year. So, yeah...she's not really doing too much.

And she rarely goes anywhere without a parent, so I highly doubt I am in denial, here, as its just not posible, unless she is sneeking out at night, which we know she is not.

And yeah...she is just a child.
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Old 05-16-2010, 01:51 PM   #5
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

Being a younger mother (I'm 22 and on purpose I might add) I don't think 15 is too young, if she's already allowed to date...I was 16 when I started the pill to regulate my periods and help with cramping and what not. I was very open with my mom, I wasn't dating and didn't have sex right away but my mom agreed that if I was thinking about it, I need to take charge of my body and b/c is a way of doing that. So I went down to planned parenthood without her and got my b/c (because she said she wasn't going to help me become sexually active) and didn't start having sex until closer to 17. I fell in love with my DH at 17.5, married at 19 (we started trying then) and a baby at 21. Granted I don't want my baby girl having sex at a young age, but like my mom, I wont deny her taking responsiblity of her body if that is what she feels like she needs to do.

Anyways, just because she's asking doesn't mean she's having sex right now. Did you ask the reasons why she wants to? Could it be to help her periods or PMS?

But PP is right, saying no to b/c, when she clearly wants to be on it, isn't going to stop someone who wants to have sex. I rather be safe then sorry.
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Old 05-16-2010, 01:53 PM   #6
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

I agree with the other mama's i the sense that she came to you which is great. I would get her the bc and then educate her about it and how it will not prevent pregnacy 100%, it will not prevent STD at all. Let her decide if she still thinks its a good idea. Hopefully she will see it is not worth the risk.Goodluck mama.
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Old 05-16-2010, 01:59 PM   #7
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

I'm just glad you feel responsible as her mother to teach her that there is a time and a place where sex is beautiful and there's a bunch of times and places where it is harmful at best. Thank goodness some parents are still being parents.
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Old 05-16-2010, 02:01 PM   #8
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

Well, I say that if she is open enough to ask you about it, you should be open enough to consider the fact that she is thinking about having sex. And if she specifically mentioned the age of 16, then that might be her "deadline"! I don't want to scare you, but I told my mom that I wanted a baby by the time I was 16 (I was 14 when I said this, not really KNOWING what that meant, other than the fact that my sister had a baby at 14), well I didn't make my "deadline", I had my baby 5 months AFTER I turned 16! My mother still thought I was a virgin until I was 3 months pregnant and decided to tell her about the pregnancy. I think she is a smart girl for asking about birth control and I think you should be a smart mom and let her use it. Sex might not have been enjoyable for you as a teen, it doesn't mean it is like that for all teens, no it wasn't enjoyable for me either, but I still did it, and I know many women who say they DID enjoy it as teens, so that is NOT a viable answer to give your daughter. I am very open with my children about everything, because my mother wasn't with me. My oldest is 10 and he knows he can ask me anything. If he came to me and asked for condoms, Yes I would talk to him about what that meant and HOPE he didn't need them, BUT I would provide them in hopes that if he did need them, that he would use them. Good luck to you, I know it is a difficult situation, but I FIRMLY believe that if she is asking to go on the pill, she is either thinking of having sex soon (and hopefully this is the case) or she is already doing it (in which case, she should be seen by a doctor to make sure there is no pregnancy or STDs and to also get a Dr.'s POV on the situation), either way, I suggest you let her go on the pill, unless you are ready to be called "grandma".
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Old 05-16-2010, 02:06 PM   #9
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

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Originally Posted by Overthinking Everything View Post
I'm just glad you feel responsible as her mother to teach her that there is a time and a place where sex is beautiful and there's a bunch of times and places where it is harmful at best. Thank goodness some parents are still being parents.
I suppose we are in the minority to think that children should not be having sex these days.

I guess if she tells me she is thinking about stealing, I should just buy it for her, too.
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Old 05-16-2010, 02:20 PM   #10
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

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Originally Posted by FreetailTherapy View Post
Well, I say that if she is open enough to ask you about it, you should be open enough to consider the fact that she is thinking about having sex. And if she specifically mentioned the age of 16, then that might be her "deadline"! I don't want to scare you, but I told my mom that I wanted a baby by the time I was 16 (I was 14 when I said this, not really KNOWING what that meant, other than the fact that my sister had a baby at 14), well I didn't make my "deadline", I had my baby 5 months AFTER I turned 16! My mother still thought I was a virgin until I was 3 months pregnant and decided to tell her about the pregnancy. I think she is a smart girl for asking about birth control and I think you should be a smart mom and let her use it. Sex might not have been enjoyable for you as a teen, it doesn't mean it is like that for all teens, no it wasn't enjoyable for me either, but I still did it, and I know many women who say they DID enjoy it as teens, so that is NOT a viable answer to give your daughter. I am very open with my children about everything, because my mother wasn't with me. My oldest is 10 and he knows he can ask me anything. If he came to me and asked for condoms, Yes I would talk to him about what that meant and HOPE he didn't need them, BUT I would provide them in hopes that if he did need them, that he would use them. Good luck to you, I know it is a difficult situation, but I FIRMLY believe that if she is asking to go on the pill, she is either thinking of having sex soon (and hopefully this is the case) or she is already doing it (in which case, she should be seen by a doctor to make sure there is no pregnancy or STDs and to also get a Dr.'s POV on the situation), either way, I suggest you let her go on the pill, unless you are ready to be called "grandma".

I do have some say in what she does. I am her mother, and plan on playing the part. Weather or not she feels she is ready, I am not going to condone, nor hand her the items to do exactly what I think she should not. She is a smart girl, and she also...surprise....tends to take my opinions seriously.

Basically, I do NOT have to allow her the freedom to be with a boy at her age...alone. I can invite him here to hang out, or go along with her to the movies, etc. at this young age.

Of course when she is older and has the libertly to rome free, then that is another story. But, at 16...uh...no.

I'm a stay at home mother, so I have a bit more leadway than some. I actually check on my kids, constantly, and I know where they are at all times. If I don't like it, I come get her.

Giving her the pill and saying its not okay to have sex at such a young age, is contradicing, in my opinion. If my mom did that, I might have gotten an STD instead of pregnant, since I got the go ahead with birth control.

Having a baby is not the end of the world, but having no morals and no backbone to stand up for what you think is right, is. Just my opinion.
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