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Old 05-16-2010, 02:22 PM   #11
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

I don't think that children should be having sex either, but I am also not naive enough to think that just because I think they shouldn't means that they won't. You can try to raise your daughter to wait and she SHOULD wait, but that does not mean that she will. Children these days need more sex education than just abstinence only programs. Research has proven that these programs simply do not work for most teenagers. It is sad, but true. I think she is being responsible and trying to be honest with you by discussing this.

And I hate to burst your bubble, but it has only been 5 years since I got out of high school and even back then there were LOTS of sexual things going on "behind the scenes" while kids were at school (in cars, in bleachers, etc). I'm sure their parents thought they weren't doing anything either because it wasn't on their watch. And my younger brother says it is only worse now.

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Old 05-16-2010, 02:32 PM   #12
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

I'm sorry we all didn't give you the response you wanted. You know whats best for you and how you raise your daughter. Personally I don't think the pill and sex go hand in hand at 15 or 16 because I was one of the ones who needed it to control my horrible periods and cramps not because I was wanting to have sex.
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Old 05-16-2010, 02:33 PM   #13
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

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Originally Posted by BabyD'sMommy View Post
I don't think that children should be having sex either, but I am also not naive enough to think that just because I think they shouldn't means that they won't. You can try to raise your daughter to wait and she SHOULD wait, but that does not mean that she will. Children these days need more sex education than just abstinence only programs. Research has proven that these programs simply do not work for most teenagers. It is sad, but true. I think she is being responsible and trying to be honest with you by discussing this.

And I hate to burst your bubble, but it has only been 5 years since I got out of high school and even back then there were LOTS of sexual things going on "behind the scenes" while kids were at school (in cars, in bleachers, etc). I'm sure their parents thought they weren't doing anything either because it wasn't on their watch. And my younger brother says it is only worse now.
So is that what it has come down to? We should just give up and put them all on birth control? I am not sure that I agree. In doing this...would we not only create more room for sex to happen? Giving more leadway for it to be okay? Or is this what society feels is right, so long as they have birth control, let them do what they will, because they will?

I am very hesitant to do it this way.

I am listening, but I am very slow to push that contradicting button against what I have been teaching in my household. She is well educated, more than any of her friends. I tell her everything on the subject, good and bad. I tell her my own personal experiences, and things that I have witnessed and learned.

I am not in denial, but I am not going to condone...its against my nature. I just don't know if I can do that.
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Old 05-16-2010, 02:33 PM   #14
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

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I do have some say in what she does. I am her mother, and plan on playing the part. Weather or not she feels she is ready, I am not going to condone, nor hand her the items to do exactly what I think she should not. She is a smart girl, and she also...surprise....tends to take my opinions seriously.

Basically, I do NOT have to allow her the freedom to be with a boy at her age...alone. I can invite him here to hang out, or go along with her to the movies, etc. at this young age.

Of course when she is older and has the libertly to rome free, then that is another story. But, at 16...uh...no.

I'm a stay at home mother, so I have a bit more leadway than some. I actually check on my kids, constantly, and I know where they are at all times. If I don't like it, I come get her.

Giving her the pill and saying its not okay to have sex at such a young age, is contradicing, in my opinion. If my mom did that, I might have gotten an STD instead of pregnant, since I got the go ahead with birth control.

Having a baby is not the end of the world, but having no morals and no backbone to stand up for what you think is right, is. Just my opinion.
First let me say that you have obviously done a great job so far! She respects you and trusts you enough to have this discussion with you and to ask your "permission" so to speak...If she has NO opportunity to be alone with a boy...then I agree with you...dont let her have the pill, it is definetly contradictory...BUT...if there is even a remote chance that she has opportunity (and believe me, if we want it we WILL find it) you may need to reconsider... Having a baby at 16 is NOT the end of the world, there are plenty of mamas on DS who can fully attest to that...and NO ... 16 yr old girls/boys should not be having sex... its a fine line to walk... with todays media and culture telling our children that not only is it ok, but its normal and to be expected...

I think you know what you need to do... you have obviously taught her well enough to this point...you just continue with your path...you arm her with knowledge (if not the actual pill and/or condoms)..knowledge is power....and you TRUST her to make the right decisions...

And yes...you are her parent...it is within YOUR power to keep her from having sex....and many parents fail to see this...you dont let her have the opportunity to be alone with a boy and sex will never happen...(unless they are doing it at school) and that is WELL within your right as her mother to ensure she never has that opportunity...
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Old 05-16-2010, 02:48 PM   #15
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

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I suppose we are in the minority to think that children should not be having sex these days.

I guess if she tells me she is thinking about stealing, I should just buy it for her, too.
Mama you asked for advice and you just aren't liking what you are hearing. I'm sure NO ONE here thinks it's *okay* for your DD to be having sex. Of course as parents we don't want our kids having sex until they are married, or 22, or whatever. But the fact is, they do it regardless of what we want or what we teach them. They are teenagers and really there is nothing you can do to stop them, aside from locking them up in a room all.the.time.

I think there are several really positive things about the convo you had with her.
1. She trusts you enough and feels comfortable enough to talk to you about this. That's awesome. I never had a convo like that with my mom, wish I had.
2. She is smart and knows that "just in case" it does happen, she doesn't want to get pregnant. She is taking charge of her body, isn't that what we want for our daughters?
3. She is being honest with you. She can just as easily go to Planned Parenthood or a clinic and get on the pill without you having any idea. Wouldn't you rather know what's going on with her than have her sneaking around?

You can talk to her about your expectations and hopes for her. Tell her how you feel and that you trust her to make the right decision. I'm sure you would rather she come to you to get on the pill rather than come to you and tell you she is pg. And I agree with pp: just because sex as a teen didn't feel good for you it's not like that for everyone. Help her be a smart girl and get protected.
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Old 05-16-2010, 02:49 PM   #16
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

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I FIRMLY believe that if she is asking to go on the pill, she is either thinking of having sex soon (and hopefully this is the case) or she is already doing it (in which case, she should be seen by a doctor to make sure there is no pregnancy or STDs and to also get a Dr.'s POV on the situation), either way, I suggest you let her go on the pill, unless you are ready to be called "grandma".



Also the sex isn't enjoyable as a teen comment is begging for trouble. While might be true in your case it's not in others.
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Old 05-16-2010, 02:53 PM   #17
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

I think on the start of this thread I was unsure, but after reading all of the comments, I am now very sure. I will continue to educate and discuss with her that it is healthy for her to wait. I will continue to tell her of the risks involved and that her health is important to me. And I will continue on the path that I had started by not giving her an unspoken "go-ahead", as I hand her the pill and preach. I just can't do that. Its falling into what is socially acceptable for young teens, and so called "parenting".

Ultimately, if she chooses to go another path, let that be her choice. But, at least she will know, and I will have done my best. At least she will have all of the information to make that choice. I can't fully protect her at all times, but I will not go against my morals to "half way" protecting her, saying no at the same time saying yes. Giving her the pill may open up another doorway to explore without fear of consequence. This in my opinion should be avoided.

Thanks to everyone on your opinions. It has helped me to sort this out


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First let me say that you have obviously done a great job so far! She respects you and trusts you enough to have this discussion with you and to ask your "permission" so to speak...If she has NO opportunity to be alone with a boy...then I agree with you...dont let her have the pill, it is definetly contradictory...BUT...if there is even a remote chance that she has opportunity (and believe me, if we want it we WILL find it) you may need to reconsider... Having a baby at 16 is NOT the end of the world, there are plenty of mamas on DS who can fully attest to that...and NO ... 16 yr old girls/boys should not be having sex... its a fine line to walk... with todays media and culture telling our children that not only is it ok, but its normal and to be expected...

I think you know what you need to do... you have obviously taught her well enough to this point...you just continue with your path...you arm her with knowledge (if not the actual pill and/or condoms)..knowledge is power....and you TRUST her to make the right decisions...

And yes...you are her parent...it is within YOUR power to keep her from having sex....and many parents fail to see this...you dont let her have the opportunity to be alone with a boy and sex will never happen...(unless they are doing it at school) and that is WELL within your right as her mother to ensure she never has that opportunity...
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Old 05-16-2010, 03:02 PM   #18
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

The truth is YOU do NOT have full control over what she does esp. as she heads further into her teenage years. It is your job to guide her and teach her about these things but she WILL make the decision herself. That is part of growing up. Most teenage girls start to rebel esp. around the age of 16. If she is given "orders" not to do something, she might just think your over reacting which is not what you want to do. It gives them the sense you have no idea what you are talking about which can seriously ruin everythign your trying to teach her. I was not allowed on bc and my dad was to strict to let me do anything. He told me sex was bad and damaging at my age. He won't even let me go to the grocery store with two of my best friends when their mom asked us to pick something up. I got sick of it because he was CONTROLING me...not TEACHING me and GUIDING me to be a better person. There is a fine line.I got pregnant at 17 which could have been preveted if he would have just educated me and prepared me. I think if you educate your daughter she might change her mind but I would think long and hard about what you want to happen. It is NOT okay to have sex at such a young age but that doesnt mean she won't do it. THat is why you have to educate her and prepare her and I think she is already a strong person to be able to come tlak to you about it. Give her credit and try not to freak. If she does make this decision and you wouldnt allow her on BC and she got pregnant would you blame her or partly blame yourself because you could have helped her? I don't think its going against morals or giving her the "go ahead" I think its being safe and letting her know you TRUST her to make the right decision even if she chooses to not even take the birthcontrol.
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Old 05-16-2010, 03:04 PM   #19
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

If it were my daughter, I would take her to the doctor to get on the pill, and sit there while the doctor made sure that my DD understood all of the risks of having sex, and that while she might be going on the pill, she should also use a condom to avoid any STDs, especially HIV.

No, I do not want my daughter to be having sex when she is a teenager. However, if she is going to do it, I'd rather know she is being safe about it.
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Old 05-16-2010, 03:08 PM   #20
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

I don't know if you read any of the other posts. But I do not freak out on her. We talk often. I listen to her, and we chat. We are good friends...but I am still a parent that has rules.

She is not ordered. I educate her, and I give her reasons for my opinions.

I am not hyper controlling, I am hyper educating my child.

She does lots of things, and she is happy. She sees her friends often, and she does many of the same things chatting on the phone, etc. as all her friends do. She is a smart energetic girl, who talks with me from kissing her boyfriend to everything else under the sun.

I am sorry that your father was controlling to you.

But, I think you have the wrong idea, here.



Quote:
Originally Posted by MaeghanAlyson View Post
The truth is YOU do NOT have full control over what she does esp. as she heads further into her teenage years. It is your job to guide her and teach her about these things but she WILL make the decision herself. That is part of growing up. Most teenage girls start to rebel esp. around the age of 16. If she is given "orders" not to do something, she might just think your over reacting which is not what you want to do. It gives them the sense you have no idea what you are talking about which can seriously ruin everythign your trying to teach her. I was not allowed on bc and my dad was to strict to let me do anything. He told me sex was bad and damaging at my age. He won't even let me go to the grocery store with two of my best friends when their mom asked us to pick something up. I got sick of it because he was CONTROLING me...not TEACHING me and GUIDING me to be a better person. There is a fine line.I got pregnant at 17 which could have been preveted if he would have just educated me and prepared me. I think if you educate your daughter she might change her mind but I would think long and hard about what you want to happen. It is NOT okay to have sex at such a young age but that doesnt mean she won't do it. THat is why you have to educate her and prepare her and I think she is already a strong person to be able to come tlak to you about it. Give her credit and try not to freak.
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