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Old 05-16-2010, 03:17 PM   #21
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

I went on the pill at age 16 for two reasons: to control my acne and b/c both of my best friends had abortions. I did become sexually active at that age, and I didn't want to end up in a bad situation.

My sister also went on the pill at age 16, but the reasons were for period regulation and acne control (she was not sexually active at that age).

I have 2 DDs at the moment, and when they get to that age (well...younger than 16, actually), I plan on educating them to the fullest I'm able to, and then I'm going to take them to Planned Parenthood to be educated by someone who has the education and knowledge base. From personal experience, teens don't have the emotional equipment to handle sex. Part of the reason my sister delayed becoming sexually active was b/c I overshared everything with her - both the fun and the ugly (emotional and otherwise). Teens don't think about the ugly, only the fun.

It's good that you have an open relationship w/your DD, and that she's comfortable talking to you about sensitive topics. You'll figure out what's best for her situation, and go from there.

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Old 05-16-2010, 03:24 PM   #22
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

Mama, much as I hate to be the bearer of bad news, if your daughter wanted to have sex, no matter how much you preach or think you have control, you don't. If she wants to, she can. You checking on her constantly and having her under supervision will make it harder, but she can and will if she makes her mind up to do it.

I understand the mixed messages of "oh, here's something to keep you safe when you have sex, but you're still not supposed to do it!" and can understand your distaste. However, it worries me that she brought it up out of the blue, and it appears that you just shut her down. It's difficult to judge tone from a conversation on the internet, especially one that we're getting after the fact, and I hope I'm wrong, but it does worry me.

If it were me, I'd have a good long conversation with her about *why* she brought it up. Why particularly then. It may simply be that her friends have deals with their parents that they're going on the pill at 16 or something just as silly and she doesn't want to be left out, but it may be that she's becoming interested in someone. It may be a hundred reasons, or just idle curiosity as to what you'd say. Then I'd reiterate about how love is rooted in respect, and if someone loves and respects her, they'll wait until she's ready for that kind of relationship. Sex is not something to be rushed into, because it's something you can never take back, and if it's with the wrong person, you're going to have to live with the results for the rest of your life, even if the result is just a bad memory.
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Old 05-16-2010, 03:24 PM   #23
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

She honestly sounds like she's considering it. I would just put her on the pill to be safe, and of course talk to her about condoms as well.

Telling her that sex isn't enjoyable when she's young just sounds like something waiting to be disproven. I know you don't want her having sex, but what don't you want more, her having sex or her coming home telling you she's pregnant and/or worse, she's got some horrible STD or AIDS.

Kids don't always listen. My mom told me sex wasn't that great until I was older as well. didn't stop me from trying it out.. Come to find out, she was kinda right. lol

Bottom line is you can't keep your kids from having sex. You can't be around them every moment of the day, and they might not be that truthful. I believe in getting them on birthcontrol and having the sex talk over telling them just not to do it. Good luck.
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Old 05-16-2010, 03:30 PM   #24
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

Be very glad that she is trusting you. If you don't help her get on the pill, she will probably try to do it anyway, or accidentally get pregnant. She probably either has friends that are on the pill or may be thinking of getting serious with a boy. It is good that you have an open relationship with her and that you keep track of her. Hopefully you can convince her to abstain for longer. If kids think they are in love and want to have sex, they will find a way.

If my teen daughter had the courage to bring up something like that, or even if I just thought she was considering it, I would put her on the pill immediately.
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Old 05-16-2010, 03:32 PM   #25
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

HS wasnt that long ago for me...and even if you werent sexually active, it was "cool" to have BC pills i was not on them then bc i didnt see the point in putting the chemicals in my body(that could possibly cause me as a gymnast to gain weight lol) but i did have lots of friends who were not having se* who took the pill daily.
imo, i would take her to her dr, be it an gyn or ped or whatever, and have them explain the side effects of the pill. if she actually is considering having se* well i commend her for bringing up the subject with you. if she isnt and there is another reason that is guiding her, maybe she will decide that its not the best option

ETA: i had a friend after graduation who was 2 years younger(still in HS) whose mom knew she was sexually active and would not "allow" her to get the pill...well, once ever few months Jill(not her name) would hop on MARTA and go to little five points(not a good area) to the planned parenthood to pick them up. she was mugged TWICE and once ran out of pills and had to beg for a ride to get the morning after pill.....so if she is determined there are other, less safe, ways to get the pills.
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Old 05-16-2010, 03:36 PM   #26
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

I guess my experience was different than everyone else on this board. I went to a large suburban high school. I definitely wasn't having sex, and none of my friends were either. I was 21 and we had been engaged for a year. I had been on the pill before while I was on Accutaine, but still did not use it.

Before I made the doctor's appointment, I'd talk to her more about why she wants it, and the side effects, including stroke risk and higher risk of breast cancer. I would also insist that she pay for the pill herself. It is a responsibility thing in my book...if she wants the meds and to do things you don't agree with, she should be the one making the copays. That frank of a discussion might make her reconsider how and why she needs this.

I guess I am also in the minority here too.
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Old 05-16-2010, 03:41 PM   #27
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvsviola View Post
I guess my experience was different than everyone else on this board. I went to a large suburban high school. I definitely wasn't having sex, and none of my friends were either.

Before I made the doctor's appointment, I'd talk to her more about why she wants it, and the side effects. I would also insist that she pay for the pill herself. It is a responsibility thing in my book...if she wants the meds and to do things you don't agree with, she should be the one making the copays.

I guess I am also in the minority here too.
I wasn't, but friends were. Some as young as 14. Her mother refused to help her and turned a blind eye to it, so I was the one who walked with her to the health unit and got her on birth control, and I was the one who bought her condoms and yes, occasionally pregnancy tests. I talked to her till I was blue in the face about respecting her self, and how these guys only wanted her for sex (she had the WORST taste in guys), but I wasn't her mother, nor was I the boss of her. I wasn't able to stop her, but at least I could help make sure she was safe.
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Old 05-16-2010, 03:42 PM   #28
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

that's a rough situation..
Although please please please put your daughter on birth control.
You CANNOT prevent her from doing anything she wants to do.
You can try your best, teach her all the best values, enforce rules, etc.
But kids are smart and can be sneaky..
I applaud your daughters honesty and telling you why she wants to be on the pill,
that is a good sign that you have raised her well.
Also the fact she came to you is great! I know it's hard not to react and be shocked but be as UNDERSTANDING as possible, she needs to be able to talk to her mom without being judged. I know it would hurt you terribly but if she comes to you tomorrow and says she has already had sex, please don't critize her, give her a hug, & LISTEN. Parenting is hard but sometimes growing up can be even harder.
Also she may still choose to have sex w/ out the pill and condoms FAIL..
I got pregnant using condoms 100% correctly. (I can't be on the pill... wish I could be)
I was shocked, frightened, and not ready or able to support a baby, yet I was up to the challenge and since there was nothing I could change very excited. I was prepared to give up my life for this child..
As unprepared as I was to be a mom, i cannot even explain how i was not ready to miscarry my bean.
It was the most devastating thing in the world
I know it's hard to excepts but your daughters not a baby anymore...
Yet she's not ready for adult responsibilty, including sex, but better she have sex and regret it.. then have sex, regret it, and have a child. Good luck Mama! The teen years are hard!

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Still young and I remember those years quite vividly!
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Old 05-16-2010, 03:44 PM   #29
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by shortcake2386 View Post
ETA: i had a friend after graduation who was 2 years younger(still in HS) whose mom knew she was sexually active and would not "allow" her to get the pill...well, once ever few months Jill(not her name) would hop on MARTA and go to little five points(not a good area) to the planned parenthood to pick them up. she was mugged TWICE and once ran out of pills and had to beg for a ride to get the morning after pill.....so if she is determined there are other, less safe, ways to get the pills.
I had a friend who went to PP and got the depo shot because her mom wouldn't let her go on BC. It gave her a heavy non stop period. Her mother became concerned and took ger to the Dr. She didn't want to get in trouble because of the depo so she didn't tell the Dr or her mom. He prescribed BC to help regulate her period. So she ended up on Ortho and Depo at the same time. She gained 12 lbs and wept alot for a few months
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Old 05-16-2010, 03:45 PM   #30
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Re: Teens Wanting to go on the pill??!!!

I don't think it is "so called parenting" to put your child on birth control when they are hinting about it. I think it is responsible. I would rather my kids wait until they are in a committed relationship to have sex, but if they do, I would rather them be smart and safe about it. Most of my friends were having sex around this age. Some parents were in denial about it, some didn't know and others had their parents put them on birth control. If I was in this position, I would put my child on bc unless I felt like a teen pregnancy would not be a huge deal if the ended up having sex against my wishes.
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