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Old 05-17-2010, 06:54 PM   #1
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What is a logical consequence for yelling? My kid is a crazy woman...

My daughter has turned into a monster. She yells at us all the time. There is no build-up, just big explosions ALL. DAY. LONG. The explosions include a lot of demands for us to get away and leave her alone. And sometimes when she's yelling these things, she is so intense that her little face kind of trembles. We don't know where this came from. Do I yell? Yes, sometimes. But my big losing-my-mind yelling episodes happen once every couple months or so. It's not like she's living with raging mad parents or in an angry house. What the heck???

So we need a good way to deal with this. She is crazy and we need a way to communicate to her that it is not acceptable for her to act like this. We thought about making her go to her room to yell and be angry and then she can come out when she's done. But it seems like she would just be like, "Okay, I'm done yelling...for now", and then never have to go to her room at all. What's the point of that?

Please help us. Neither of us can stand being around our own child.

(Yes, we just had a new baby. That could certainly be a part of the rage, but she's been doing this for about a month now, so there is more going on than the new baby.)

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Old 05-17-2010, 07:06 PM   #2
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Re: What is a logical consequence for yelling? My kid is a crazy woman...

Have you spent some alone time with just her? That has helped my little ones immensly.
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Old 05-17-2010, 07:11 PM   #3
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Re: What is a logical consequence for yelling? My kid is a crazy woman...

Not really sure what to say mama. Have you tried talking to her alone and finding out what is bothering her or why she so upset?
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Old 05-17-2010, 07:36 PM   #4
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Re: What is a logical consequence for yelling? My kid is a crazy woman...

We do a lot of preventative parenting, trying to anticipate her needs, keep her well rested, well fed, well hydrated, and busy. We also do a lot of one on one with each child, even in 5-10 minute spurts. One round of CandyLand only takes about that long, but it can mean a whole lot to a preschooler. I try as much as possible to give her the attention BEFORE she escalates and keep her out of stressful situations (not entirely possible, I know, but I'm very aware of when she is stressed)

When my kids are melting down, screaming, ect. I validate "DD, you are screaming. You seem very angry! I do not like to be yelled at though, so please say it like this --" And script it with tone and words for her. If she is unable, she is welcome to continue screaming/crying where I don't have to hear it, and where it is not disruptive to our family. I will comfort if they want it, but I will not allow them to scream at or otherwise speak disrespectfully to me or dh (or anyone). If they are not able to communicate in a respectful manner, the logical consequence is that people dont feel like being around them. It's not said/done in anger or malice, we are calm and patient, and actually being very consistent with validating/setting the boundary keeps ME from escalating into my own tantrum.

It's hard to hear them so frustrated and upset! I try to remember that feelings aren't bad, and that it's not my job to make her stop. It's my job to acknowledge her feeling, give her the space and safety to feel the emotion, and teach her to respect other peoples boundaries while doing so. hth
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Old 05-17-2010, 08:31 PM   #5
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Re: What is a logical consequence for yelling? My kid is a crazy woman...

We get to the point with DD (Jan 07) that she has to go in her room til she can use her indoor voice again. We make a point to tell her she is doing a good job using her indoor voice when she is doing it right. She is welcome to scream outside all she wants, but we do not scream in the house.

It is sooooooo frustrating, but I hope its just a phase!
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Old 05-17-2010, 08:36 PM   #6
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Re: What is a logical consequence for yelling? My kid is a crazy woman...

All these mamas have great advice. I do a lot of that, but we have also used apple cider vinegar. A tsp when her mouth is being "ugly" you give her a tsp or 1/2 a tsp...like for yelling, unkind words...there is a verse in the Bible that talks about unkind words being bitter...wish I could remember it exactly. Anyway, you just have to find something that works for you. Good luck.
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Old 05-17-2010, 09:18 PM   #7
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Re: What is a logical consequence for yelling? My kid is a crazy woman...

The antidote for yelling in this house is quiet time. If my daughter's being mean and spiteful (and being just shy of her 7th birthday, you can imagine this is something she is capable of) she has to leave the room, generally go to her room, although outside works, too, and then come back when she can be nice and not yell anymore. She has to learn that it's fine to raise concerns, but she has to do it in a constructive and calm way. We're working right now on being really consistent with just not accepting anything else from her. She's getting better about it. It just takes time. I think there are similarities at any age in that the punishment must fit the crime (for being loud, you must sit quietly until you calm down) and it must be administered absolutely consistently. Good luck! I know it's hard!
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Old 05-17-2010, 09:23 PM   #8
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Re: What is a logical consequence for yelling? My kid is a crazy woman...

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvsviola View Post
We get to the point with DD (Jan 07) that she has to go in her room til she can use her indoor voice again. We make a point to tell her she is doing a good job using her indoor voice when she is doing it right. She is welcome to scream outside all she wants, but we do not scream in the house.
We do this too. There is a time and place to act like wild banshees, and it's not in the house unless we're having play time. Screaming *at* us is an automatic "alone time in your room". DD gathers herself and comes back out when she's ready and we carry on like nothing happened (of course while she's in her room she screeches and throws stuff and that's fine).
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Old 05-18-2010, 08:11 AM   #9
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Re: What is a logical consequence for yelling? My kid is a crazy woman...

When my 2.5 year old starts getting ugly like that, I either give her the words to say kindly and she repeats OR if it is really getting out of hand, she has to sit in the corner of the room we are in and remain quietly there until she is ready to speak kindly.
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