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Old 05-18-2010, 03:20 PM   #1
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6 year old lying and stealing, doesn't care about consequences UPDATE #2 post #17

I really need help mamas! I am at the end of my rope and am in tears over this.

DS is 6 (will be 7 next month). He is caught in a lies multiple times a day. He has gotten letters from the principal sent home about his complete disregard of authority. He was kicked off the bus for not listening to the bus driver (screaming, running up and down the isle) after many notes were sent home. He brings things home from school that are not his and claims "he just found them". We tell him to wear pants in the morning (it's still cold here) and I find shorts in his backpack and he admits that he took them to school and changed once he got there and then changes back into pants so we don't find out. He brakes things (on purpose, like takes things apart) and will swear up and down it wasn't him. He writes his name all over the walls and swears it wasn't him. He pinches, kicks, pushes his little sister and will scream when she hits back claiming she is attacking him. We tell him to take a shower and he will get in the water and won't wash anything and will swear up and down we are wrong because we can't smell the soap.

We have tried every type of punishment you can imagine. We took all his toys away and told him he had to earn them back, it's been 3 months. He only has books in his room which he refuses to read. We have grounded him and made him stay inside all weekend. We have tried positive reinforcement and rewarded him when he did good things. We have tried sitting down with heart to heart conversations. We have spanked, yelled, cried and begged for him to listen. We have tried giving him extra attention and taken him to do extra things alone with us to give him more undivided attention. We have done reward charts, allowances, you name it. We have stuck with each thing at LEAST two weeks, sometimes longer to get into a routine and it never changes anything.........

He really does not care about consequences and will straight out tell you he doesn't care. He will do anything to get his way even if it means stealing money, items, etc.

He is an extremely smart child and is excelling in school even though he actually makes an effort to NOT study, homework etc. He is only in 1st grade but will tell me that school is boring and all the kids are babies and are dumb and slow. He seems to really believe that he is so much better than everyone else and knows everything.

He has had many "issues" in his short little life. When he was a baby he was very ahead. He walked at 8 mos. talked in complete sentences by a year etc. On the other hand he has sensory issues and can't wear socks. He will be in tears literally screaming that they hurt him. He pulls at all his shirts and they are all horribly stretched out after one wear. He complains that the necks, and sleeves of all clothing hurt and will seriously cry over it. He loathes pants and will only wear shorts unless he is at school (if he didn't sneak a pair there). He always has to be first in everything. He will push hit, and kick his way to be the first in/out of the van. He turns everything into a competition and will cheat any way he possibly can think of to win.

He has obsessive tendancies and will talk about certain video games and will ask over and over and over again within an hour to play them. He hasn't been able to play video games in over a month and will still follow me around the house and seriously harrass me about playing. I hold my ground and don't let him. He will have screaming meltdown fits and screams himself to sleep.

He used to be a very cuddly child. Always wanting to be held, lived in my sling until he was over 4 years old. Never wanted to be alone and cried a lot unless he was being held even into kindergarden. He has distanced himself here lately probably because he is upset he is getting into trouble etc.

I know this post was probably way too long and all over the place, but I just needed to get it out and hopefully someone will be able to offer some sort of advice.

I really don't know what to do and I am scared he is only going to get worse and will end up in juvenile hall or something

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Old 05-18-2010, 03:31 PM   #2
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Re: 6 year old lyeing and stealing, doesn't care about consequences

I am so sorry mama! I don't have a boy or a 7 year old, so I can't help much, just wanted to give . Have you talked to his doctor or a school counselor? If he is that far ahead, he may truly be bored in school. It sounds like something is definitely going on with him if he is getting so angry. I also think some people are "too smart," and have other issues because of it, hard to explain, and I really have no idea what I'm talking about...I hope it gets better!
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Old 05-18-2010, 03:36 PM   #3
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Re: 6 year old lyeing and stealing, doesn't care about consequences

I wonder if the school thing is because he is advanced enough that he is bored, not stimulated and therefore acting out? I have heard that kids that are advanced do tend to get bored and then act out to get attention. I don't know, I homeschool, but that could be a thought.

As far as the other stuff, I really have no advice, I am sorry! It sounds like you have tried everything I could have thought of. Have you had him checked out by a pediatric physcologist or something that might help you understand the over-sensitive issues to his clothing and such? Don't know if that would help either.

I am so sorry and maybe some of the other mamas will be alot more help than I am. Hugs and Prayers to you and your family.
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Old 05-18-2010, 04:06 PM   #4
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Re: 6 year old lyeing and stealing, doesn't care about consequences

Children in my house that act like toddlers will be treated like toddlers until they can act or at least try to act otherwise.. how about taking him onto the bus yourself buckling him in or sitting him down and also escorting him off the bus or even better take him to school and sit him down then get out his things and then return to take him home buckling him in and making sure everyone around can see. or maybe even just spend the day walking him to each thing holding his hand as making sure he is doing everything properly..I know it seems like a lot of time to invest but really if he can't behave on his own properly then I really don't see and alternative. Otherwise he will be expelled and you will have no choice.. as for people beating or biting or just plain acting ugly to each other in this house... I always ask them if a dog bit them or hit them what should be done to the dog? then follow with his solution.

YDD is very aggressive and angry with me atm. I have really really been working on her self control and her conscience. One thing that really helps her other than talking and taking action is that I have signed her up for her first swim lessons and she is sooo excited about those I try and bring them up when she becomes a little down in the mouth about something.(the baby coming generally) The only thing she so looks forward to are her sports.. any sport and that child just immediately changes into a different little trooper.

I hope it all works out for you? we homeschool too so its a little easier to correct things as they come school is almost out lets just hope there is a solution !
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Old 05-18-2010, 04:24 PM   #5
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Re: 6 year old lyeing and stealing, doesn't care about consequences

first ... Im sorry mama...I know how it is to have a high strung boy...my ODS is 4 (this monday!)... and he is very aggressive and defiant... he does lie as well...but at his age I dont think he fully understands its lying...I think your son does, but only to an extent...you know? I am readinga book right now about raising sons ...its call "The Wonder of Raising Boys" by Michael Gurian....I suggest you pick it up at the library...its a very good read...he talks about how boys are competitive by nature...not aggressive...competition becomes aggression when they can't channel it properly... and he says that boys need competition...and need to have their "aggression" guided to productive activities and that boys who dont act out...I found this to be SO true with my ODS...and we are working on it... Him wanting to be first is competition driven...he feels he HAS to be first...His sensory issues can be leading to all the issues with his pants and lying about them and trying to sneak them to school...I dont think he is trying to be defiant and lie to you that way...he is just doing the only thing he can think of to alleviate the stress of his pants...children who have sensory issues REALLY do feel pain with certain clothing...it takes a lot of work to help these children...but the first thing to do is acknowledge his feelings and his discomfort...expplain to him that you know it hurts and he doesnt like it..but that its cold and he has to cover his legs...if its really that bad, can he wear shorts and take a small blanket to cover with if he gets cold? trust me, if he's cold he will cover up...

The sensory issues you can find a lot on on Google...I know I saw a book about it once...but alot of the other issues are age appropriate and gender appropriate...your DH is an airman...is he gone often? Does he work long hours or is he deployed? This is the age (6 yrs) when boys start to pull away from their moms and need more male guidance and need more physical activity to work out the aggression they are feeling...he is coming into a large testosterone surge and this is probably going to continue for a few years....its going to take a lot of work and patience on your part....but you can do this...please remember,...it is true...boys will be boys...we as the mothers of boys have to curb the behavior into productive activities...maybe a sports extracurricular activity would help...

But I really suggest you take a look at that book....It has done wonders for me to understand my sons behavior and how to better deal with it...Its not an instructional...its an educational...to help you better understand why your boy acts the way he does (and boys in general)...good luck!
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Old 05-18-2010, 04:36 PM   #6
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Re: 6 year old lyeing and stealing, doesn't care about consequences

Quote:
Originally Posted by beesbaby2 View Post
I am so sorry mama! I don't have a boy or a 7 year old, so I can't help much, just wanted to give . Have you talked to his doctor or a school counselor? If he is that far ahead, he may truly be bored in school. It sounds like something is definitely going on with him if he is getting so angry. I also think some people are "too smart," and have other issues because of it, hard to explain, and I really have no idea what I'm talking about...I hope it gets better!
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2m's View Post
I wonder if the school thing is because he is advanced enough that he is bored, not stimulated and therefore acting out? I have heard that kids that are advanced do tend to get bored and then act out to get attention. I don't know, I homeschool, but that could be a thought.

As far as the other stuff, I really have no advice, I am sorry! It sounds like you have tried everything I could have thought of. Have you had him checked out by a pediatric physcologist or something that might help you understand the over-sensitive issues to his clothing and such? Don't know if that would help either.

I am so sorry and maybe some of the other mamas will be alot more help than I am. Hugs and Prayers to you and your family.
I am thinking the same thing about being bored at school and will be talking to his teacher soon about it. I still need to figure out what is going on at home too

Quote:
Originally Posted by Graceless1 View Post
Children in my house that act like toddlers will be treated like toddlers until they can act or at least try to act otherwise.. how about taking him onto the bus yourself buckling him in or sitting him down and also escorting him off the bus or even better take him to school and sit him down then get out his things and then return to take him home buckling him in and making sure everyone around can see. or maybe even just spend the day walking him to each thing holding his hand as making sure he is doing everything properly..I know it seems like a lot of time to invest but really if he can't behave on his own properly then I really don't see and alternative. Otherwise he will be expelled and you will have no choice.. as for people beating or biting or just plain acting ugly to each other in this house... I always ask them if a dog bit them or hit them what should be done to the dog? then follow with his solution.

YDD is very aggressive and angry with me atm. I have really really been working on her self control and her conscience. One thing that really helps her other than talking and taking action is that I have signed her up for her first swim lessons and she is sooo excited about those I try and bring them up when she becomes a little down in the mouth about something.(the baby coming generally) The only thing she so looks forward to are her sports.. any sport and that child just immediately changes into a different little trooper.

I hope it all works out for you? we homeschool too so its a little easier to correct things as they come school is almost out lets just hope there is a solution !
I am trying that approach right now. He has been next to me all afternoon, I won't let him out of my sight. I figure that way he can't steal anything if I am watching him. I am also taking him to school in the morning instead of him riding the bus. He just got his bus privelages back but I don't think he is mature enough to ride the bus by himself. I will also be talking to either the school secretary to get an appointment with the principle or teacher, or even talk with them if they have time tomorrow.

Quote:
Originally Posted by n3w2cl0th View Post
first ... Im sorry mama...I know how it is to have a high strung boy...my ODS is 4 (this monday!)... and he is very aggressive and defiant... he does lie as well...but at his age I dont think he fully understands its lying...I think your son does, but only to an extent...you know? I am readinga book right now about raising sons ...its call "The Wonder of Raising Boys" by Michael Gurian....I suggest you pick it up at the library...its a very good read...he talks about how boys are competitive by nature...not aggressive...competition becomes aggression when they can't channel it properly... and he says that boys need competition...and need to have their "aggression" guided to productive activities and that boys who dont act out...I found this to be SO true with my ODS...and we are working on it... Him wanting to be first is competition driven...he feels he HAS to be first...His sensory issues can be leading to all the issues with his pants and lying about them and trying to sneak them to school...I dont think he is trying to be defiant and lie to you that way...he is just doing the only thing he can think of to alleviate the stress of his pants...children who have sensory issues REALLY do feel pain with certain clothing...it takes a lot of work to help these children...but the first thing to do is acknowledge his feelings and his discomfort...expplain to him that you know it hurts and he doesnt like it..but that its cold and he has to cover his legs...if its really that bad, can he wear shorts and take a small blanket to cover with if he gets cold? trust me, if he's cold he will cover up...

The sensory issues you can find a lot on on Google...I know I saw a book about it once...but alot of the other issues are age appropriate and gender appropriate...your DH is an airman...is he gone often? Does he work long hours or is he deployed? This is the age (6 yrs) when boys start to pull away from their moms and need more male guidance and need more physical activity to work out the aggression they are feeling...he is coming into a large testosterone surge and this is probably going to continue for a few years....its going to take a lot of work and patience on your part....but you can do this...please remember,...it is true...boys will be boys...we as the mothers of boys have to curb the behavior into productive activities...maybe a sports extracurricular activity would help...

But I really suggest you take a look at that book....It has done wonders for me to understand my sons behavior and how to better deal with it...Its not an instructional...its an educational...to help you better understand why your boy acts the way he does (and boys in general)...good luck!
Your post was very informative! I am going to check out that book tomorrow, hopefully that have it available.

DH is an airman but is home most of the time. In the past 8 years he has never been deployed and hasn't been gone longer than a couple of weeks for training (or boot camp). He is home every evening even though he doesn't always make it home for dinner. He is also in basketball at the local boys and girls club and just finished swimming lessons at the YMCA. Both of which the instructor/coach are having problems with him listening to them and have asked me to "talk" to him. It's embarrassing! I have made him apologize to them both, but he then turns around and tells me he doesn't mean it. Like he has absolutely no apathy.

I agree that with the more outside time he has the better his agression is. He loves anything to do with competition but it's kinda sad now because none of the kids in the apartment complex will play with him anymore. My oldest dd and all the kids will play off to the side and he will sit on the sidewalk by himself. I feel so bad for him, but understand why the kids don't want to play with him.
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Old 05-18-2010, 04:45 PM   #7
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Re: 6 year old lying and stealing, doesn't care about consequences

Here is a link about sensory processing disorder.

http://www.sensory-processing-disord...checklist.html

its a checklist to go through ... see how many you answer yes to and take it to your ped and see if he/she can recommend an occupational therapist...it could really help...

its a rough age for boys....I think your DH needs to get more involved with the discipline and working with him in regards to the issues with basketball etc... I dont know how much he is involved, Im just going off how much you say YOU do...boys at this age are more receptive to older male influence,...they see mom as stifling and nagging....I dont know why, but I see it and know its true... maybe what he needs is an older male telling him what he should be doing and how he should be acting...and then doling out the consequences when he misbehaves....its a tough age mama!
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Old 05-18-2010, 05:23 PM   #8
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Re: 6 year old lying and stealing, doesn't care about consequences

I have a 7 yo who was doing this as well. It turns out he has ODD and ADHD. We have controlled it with meds and he sees a therapist every week. My ds is a much nicer calmer little man now. He is also super advanced and we are now homeschooling him. We started the school year with 2nd grade work but he is now almost 1/2 way though with 3rd grade work.

Its hard work with these little boys who seem to have so much pent up anger and energy.
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Old 05-18-2010, 05:25 PM   #9
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Re: 6 year old lying and stealing, doesn't care about consequences

Also i just noticed your siggy says that dh is an airman. Does he get deployed alot? I know that when my dh started getting deployed that was the begining of our issue's and i have learned it is very common among military children.
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Old 05-18-2010, 06:18 PM   #10
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Re: 6 year old lying and stealing, doesn't care about consequences

Quote:
Originally Posted by n3w2cl0th View Post
Here is a link about sensory processing disorder.

http://www.sensory-processing-disord...checklist.html

its a checklist to go through ... see how many you answer yes to and take it to your ped and see if he/she can recommend an occupational therapist...it could really help...

its a rough age for boys....I think your DH needs to get more involved with the discipline and working with him in regards to the issues with basketball etc... I dont know how much he is involved, Im just going off how much you say YOU do...boys at this age are more receptive to older male influence,...they see mom as stifling and nagging....I dont know why, but I see it and know its true... maybe what he needs is an older male telling him what he should be doing and how he should be acting...and then doling out the consequences when he misbehaves....its a tough age mama!
I will def. look over that checklist and also other checklists online and write them all down to take to the doc. I am going to schedule a visit for him tomorrow. I have asked DH to be more involved with the dicipline but he seems to come up with an excuse. He is the hugging loving dad who never wants to punish. I agree, ds seems to think of me as nagging.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfly Designs View Post
I have a 7 yo who was doing this as well. It turns out he has ODD and ADHD. We have controlled it with meds and he sees a therapist every week. My ds is a much nicer calmer little man now. He is also super advanced and we are now homeschooling him. We started the school year with 2nd grade work but he is now almost 1/2 way though with 3rd grade work.

Its hard work with these little boys who seem to have so much pent up anger and energy.
I am scheduling an apt. tomorrow. Hopefully there isn't anything "wrong" and I just need to adjust my parenting skills.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterfly Designs View Post
Also i just noticed your siggy says that dh is an airman. Does he get deployed alot? I know that when my dh started getting deployed that was the begining of our issue's and i have learned it is very common among military children.
No, he has never been deployed, but does live in his own world sometimes where you wouldn't even know he was home lol.
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