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Old 05-18-2010, 08:34 PM   #11
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

Ok so you feel badly and that to me says you are not a bad mommy and would do more if you could. May I suggest the video and book Happiest Baby on The Block. (especially the video!!) I also had a very high needs fussy guy and it really helped us. Nothing is a fix, but having strategies can be very useful. The good news is it will get better, but in the mean time if you get to the end of your rope walk away. Bad things can happen when mommy snaps. I know that feeling. That I have done everything I can, you just have to work it out baby feeling. But really they don't understand this. So I do feel that as much as you can stand to hold and sooth despite the fact that it is not "working." Just being there for them through this hard time is important. But that said, if you are at your breaking point walk away and take a break. Taking turns with another parent,friend,family member can be very helpful. Sometimes just going out of ear shot for a few minutes can give you another wind to go in and help. But it is hard and I hear you on that! I have been there too. Also wraps and carriers were essential. Babywearing saved my life. For reals! Wraps are the best, Ergos and other soft structure carriers are also helpful. I am not talking snugli or bjorns (those suck! Sorry to say). Loud white noise was a break through for us in those screaming moments. Like loudest fan you can find or even a hair dryer. It snaps them out of it and somehow sounds like the womb or something. Swaddling (miracle blanket) with a jiggling shaking motions so the head bobbles a little. (see that video. It shows all this.) PM me if you need any more support. Other things to look in to are reflux (silent reflux especially if baby is not spitting up a lot). Also if you are nursing your diet can be a trigger. That is a whole rabbit hole to get in to though.
Good luck!! You are not alone.

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Old 05-18-2010, 08:34 PM   #12
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

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we actually see the pedi on Thursday. She even screams when she nurses. Like she'll start drinking then stop and scream at the top of her lungs. It's not really a cry it's like a scream, face turns red. I know this isn't normal since dd1 did not do this but she had acid reflux at dd2's age but her symptoms are different so I don't think that is what it is. Hopefully the pedi has answers for us
I just read this. Do you have oversupply? That is what is sounds like to me. That would be why she would stop nursing and start screaming. She is probably getting too much milk too fast and she is basically gagging/choking and it is probably has a burning feeling down the back of her throat. That would also be why she is so fussy.....she is REALLY gassy b/c she is gulping while drinking the milk and getting a lot of air in her tummy.

When you latch her on and feel letdown then take her off and catch the milk into a towel. When the flow subsides (it shouldn't take but a few min.) then you can relatch her and she should be able to handle it much better.
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Old 05-18-2010, 08:36 PM   #13
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

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I know it can be hard, but I would prefer to have her cry in my arms than alone in a crib by herself.

Could she be overtired? Babies need a lot of sleep and they actually get tired way before they even seem like it.

Have you tried "shhhhhhhhhhing" her....get really close to her ear and loudly say "shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

Swaddling? I do what my mom calls the "sleeper hold." Where you swaddle them really tight and hold their arms close to their body. That with rocking and the "shhhhhhh'ing" go well together.

Are you sure she isn't gassy or needs to be burped? Are you bf'ing, could it be something in your diet that is iritating to her? Dairy, broccoli, onions, and garlic are all big culprits.
I'd rather have her cry in my arms too but it's truly impossible to do that all day and keep your sanity. And shhhhshing her doesn't work It could be something in my diet. She has hiccups all the time, could this be why? I do burp her after every feeding....
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Old 05-18-2010, 08:36 PM   #14
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

Definitely check with your pediatrician and see if they can help you figure out what's making your DD cry so much. You can also try some of the traditional soothing things: white noise (even something loud like running the vaccum may work), swaddling (mine fussed for about a minute after being swaddled and then settle down to sleep pretty quick), and rocking. Basically, anything that simulates being in the womb. I have a couple of different swaddle wrap things that are easy to put on my baby and that he can't wiggle out of easily; they're so much easier to use than a blanket.

I very much agree that it doesn't feel good to let them cry themselves to sleep but keeping you sane is worth it. Sometimes you just have to leave your little ones alone and give yourself some time to calm down, too. It definitely also helps to have someone to talk to. Whenever I'm having trouble with my kids, I always call my mom. She doesn't always have a quick fix for every problem, but I always feel better after having a chance to vent. Hopefully you'll be able to find something that will help!
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Old 05-18-2010, 08:37 PM   #15
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

sounds like over active let down or reflux to me too!
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Old 05-18-2010, 08:39 PM   #16
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

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Ok so you feel badly and that to me says you are not a bad mommy and would do more if you could. May I suggest the video and book Happiest Baby on The Block. (especially the video!!) I also had a very high needs fussy guy and it really helped us. Nothing is a fix, but having strategies can be very useful. The good news is it will get better, but in the mean time if you get to the end of your rope walk away. Bad things can happen when mommy snaps. I know that feeling. That I have done everything I can, you just have to work it out baby feeling. But really they don't understand this. So I do feel that as much as you can stand to hold and sooth despite the fact that it is not "working." Just being there for them through this hard time is important. But that said, if you are at your breaking point walk away and take a break. Taking turns with another parent,friend,family member can be very helpful. Sometimes just going out of ear shot for a few minutes can give you another wind to go in and help. But it is hard and I hear you on that! I have been there too. Also wraps and carriers were essential. Babywearing saved my life. For reals! Wraps are the best, Ergos and other soft structure carriers are also helpful. I am not talking snugli or bjorns (those suck! Sorry to say). Loud white noise was a break through for us in those screaming moments. Like loudest fan you can find or even a hair dryer. It snaps them out of it and somehow sounds like the womb or something. Swaddling (miracle blanket) with a jiggling shaking motions so the head bobbles a little. (see that video. It shows all this.) PM me if you need any more support. Other things to look in to are reflux (silent reflux especially if baby is not spitting up a lot). Also if you are nursing your diet can be a trigger. That is a whole rabbit hole to get in to though.
Good luck!! You are not alone.
I am going to a mom's group tomorrow morning and 1 of the mamas there is really good at wrapping her baby so I was going to get some tips from her since I don't know how to do this. Now that you mentioned it, she hardly ever splits up. Something else to let the doctor know. THANKS for the advice
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Old 05-18-2010, 08:50 PM   #17
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

Frequent hiccups are a sign of reflux, mama. DS (who has reflux) had them multiple times a day. Check out Dr. Sears' website for reflux symptoms. Could be your younger child has reflux too, but it's presenting differently than it did with your older child. Almost all babies have "reflux" after all--that's why they spit up--but it doesn't cause problems for all.

I agree with all the posters suggesting babywearing. It saved my sanity. DS has always loved any of the upright positions.

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Old 05-18-2010, 08:52 PM   #18
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

My daughter really wasn't content with much at that age besides being held. She didn't like the pouch style carrier that I tried, but she loved being in the Ergo in the little infant insert. It really helped us with getting her to sleep as this was a huge challenge. I really shouldn't have put that in past tense though as that has continued and we still use the Ergo at bedtime at 21 months.
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Old 05-18-2010, 09:03 PM   #19
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

I'm guessing reflux. Just because she isn't spitting up doesn't mean she doesn't have that acid coming up in her throat and that is very common when eating and laying down. Try elevating her when she sleeps, or having her sleep upright in a carrier. If she is really in pain a reflux med might be your saving grace too.

Also, gripe water, Colic Calm, and/or probiotics might be worth looking in to! I hope you get some of your sanity back - I went through the same thing with my DS and it is incredibly frustrating.
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Old 05-18-2010, 09:07 PM   #20
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Re: Am I a bad mommy?

Jake was like that for a couple months when he was small. It was really hard on me because I was dealing with PPD at the same time. I would usually get my husband to hold him, he is VERY patient (didn't have a 2yo at the time so that might not work for you), Oval worked sometimes (for gas), a mai tai carrier and salsa babies music worked on occasion, sometimes a car ride to the coffee drive thru, sometimes nothing - we just had to let him cry because we couldn't figure out what to do.
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