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Old 05-20-2010, 07:30 AM   #1
nakedbabytoes
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Help me help him. Daycare kiddo with difficulty transitioning from home/here & back.

This boy has been coming to my home for a year now. He is 3 and has a little brother who is 1.5. The boys come PT, two days a week. Mom & Dad are married, work FT opposite shifts, and both go to school FT.
They are very busy but also very loving. AP all the way.
The boys are in many people's care, but I am the only one who isn't a relative who watches them & gets paid. There are just 2 days a week that no one else can watch them that they know.
Amyway, he always crys & tantrums & sulks for the first hour or so that he is here. Every single day. He says "No! I wanna go home! Don't leave me!"
Over & over. It never gets better. It never changes
He has a great time when he's here(minus the first hour). Plays well with others. Participates in games & activities. Laughs & runs. Is happy. Actually, he doesn't want to leave at the end of the day!
He gets mad when he sees his mommy again when she comes to pick him up at 4. "No mommy, go away! I don't wanna go. I wanna stay here! You go home!" And it takes his mom dragging him out of here 10 minutes later(which I think should be cut way down to like 2 minutes!) kicking & screaming.
I just don't think he transitions well. Like he has zero control over what's going on & when, so he freaks out!
I see the family out & about alot. They live nearby. He will run to me & is happy to see me, so I don't think it's me or my house or that he doesn't like DC.
Can I help him? Should I let them go? Is it better for him not to have this torture of coming to my house(but then he'd have to go somewhere else, I'm sure).
I'm a big enough person to realize that if my house isn't the best place for him, I'd let them go so he wouldn't have to be so unhappy. But I don't think he really is unhappy so to speak, just upset about always going somewhere & being left or taken away.
Can I help him? How? I feel so bad For mamas who have clingy kiddos or those that hate transition, what do you do? DCP, for kids like this what do you do?

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Old 05-20-2010, 07:39 AM   #2
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Re: Help me help him. Daycare kiddo with difficulty transitioning from home/here & ba

I would say he just needs to be informed of whats going on before it happens. I would start giving him warnings around 3 if his mom comes at 4. Just a casual "Hey So&so Mommy will be here soon so lets get ready to clean up" Thats what I did with my dc kids. And if his mom could do the same thing in the morning "Hey we are going to go to daycare. You are going to get to play with all the kids" something like that. It might help
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Old 05-20-2010, 11:08 AM   #3
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Re: Help me help him. Daycare kiddo with difficulty transitioning from home/here & ba

My nieces used to have a hard time transitioning to their dad's house every Wed/Thursday when the little one was about that age. One thing that we did that seemed to help was to set her up with a calendar showing where she would be each day. Since she was a prereader we used pictures of each person - Daddy, Mommy or me (I was her childcare, but I was at her house). We did hers a month at a time b/c they were on an every other week schedule, but if you you do a week at a time with him. Every mornng we moved the star to show who she would be with that day. She ended up learning the days of the week inthe process, too! They still do a modified version today at 13 and 9!!
I guess it would really be more of something that Mom or Dad would do at home with him, but it sounds like they'd do what they can to help.
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Old 05-20-2010, 12:27 PM   #4
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Re: Help me help him. Daycare kiddo with difficulty transitioning from home/here & ba

This sounds like something the parents need to work out. I would think it is a result of him being shuttled from place to place through out the week. Poor kid is probably so confused about what the next day will bring. This is why I don't normally take part time kids. When they are that young, they don't understand that we do this on one day and that on the other. I have never had great success with part time kids for this very reason. You could talk to the parents and see if they have any ideas. If it is only two days a week and just the first hour each day, I would probably put up with it so you don't have to replace two kids. Sorry J, I am not much help. DC is so tough for reasons like this. You want whats best for them but you aren't the parent, you don't always have the control to make that choice.
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Old 05-20-2010, 01:21 PM   #5
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Re: Help me help him. Daycare kiddo with difficulty transitioning from home/here & ba

Yeah, I think I can only do so much in this situation. I really think it's the day to day unpredictability in this kid's life. It is what it is. But we know toddlers LOVE predictability. And this ain't predictable!
I only take PT kids, yes they have their own issues but I'm too old to work everyday. So we deal. I'm just seeing if I can make it any better. But I don't think I can. Mom graduates next spring, so hopefully by then??
I dunno. I warn him as best I can throughout the day about how long it is until Mom gets here. We have a DC schedule picture chart & the arrow points to what happens next throughout the day. I have pictures of the kids at times when they come & leave. So he can see where things are.
I wrote on his daily sheet today about trying to help him transtion better & that maybe my program just isn't for him anymore. If he dreads it, why come?
KWIM?
But I doubt they will leave. I'm flexible. The kids love me(just not the oldest transtioning). I serve organic food. I'm AP. I'm reasonable. They tell me all the time how great my program is. I have awesome facilities. I'm laid back.
So I think I'm stuck either just dealing as is or trying to make it better.
I'd rather try to make it better.
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