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Old 05-20-2010, 10:05 AM   #1
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do you currently have a 4.5 yr old? advice...

i'm interested to know if you think this is "normal" for my 4.5 yr old son.
there are certain things that are off limits to him. things that have repeatedly been told to him that he is not allowed to do. an example is he is not allowed to shut the side mini van door if he is inside alone (in his carseat)- while i'm getting the other kids ready to go for example.

yet, he continues to do this. over and over and over and over again. everytime i tell him he is not to do it. everytime he says he forgot.

is it normal for him to be like this? do you think it's disobedience or could he have a memory problem? i am truly at a loss.

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Old 05-20-2010, 10:17 AM   #2
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Re: do you currently have a 4.5 yr old? advice...

I have a 4.5 yr old son, and had one three years ago, too. In another two years, I will have one again.

To me, hat sounds like a child just doing what he wants to do. My 4yo is notorious for testing cause and effect. Are there any consequences for disobedience or is it just you repeating yourself over and over again until he decided to obey you or you both move on and it no longer applies?

I do not think its a memory "problem". I mean, children dont remember for very long and naturally do need some reminding but this seems past that to me. Even though I have told my DS everyday to pick up his toys in his room after he is finished playing wth them, he still leaves them out ALL THE TIME. When I go up and ask him to clean them up he says "But I forgooooot!!!". That is then followed by "Cleaning up your mess isnt fun!!".

I think its normal to go against the grain a bit and if its bothoring you and you want it to change, then set up a consequence. If its not a big deal that he's doing this, I say dont waste your breath anymore and move on to something else. Just my

Good luck mama!
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Old 05-20-2010, 10:21 AM   #3
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Re: do you currently have a 4.5 yr old? advice...

I watched a little guy like that for 4 years-- and similar "I forgot" behavior from 4 to 5 years old. He was just in his own little world in his head and would always "forget". However, I started to add consequences for him forgetting (would have to wait in time out while getting the other kids strapped in, take a toy away, no tv time, or not go on that errand/event at all). We also made a list of the rules I had to keep repeating and he got stars for remembering the rules. At the end of the day we would review his memory list and “try to do better tomorrow” or have a treat. It took about 3 months but helped make him responsible for himself.

Best of luck Mama-- Stick with your gut-- You know him best.
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Old 05-20-2010, 10:49 AM   #4
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Re: do you currently have a 4.5 yr old? advice...

sounds like my kids 4 and 3.
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Old 05-20-2010, 10:52 AM   #5
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Re: do you currently have a 4.5 yr old? advice...

Tharen is like that too. Some of it is forgetfulness, some of it is impulse control and some of it is defiance. Kids at that age just can't seem to stop themselves from doing what they really want to do. It takes time to develop that impulse control. So it isn't so much that he forgot he wasn't supposed to as that in that moment he wanted to do it and he temporarily forgot. Of course there are kids like my brother who are just plain absentminded. I swear the most common phrase out of his mouth as a child was "oh, I forgot". He is still pretty absentminded to this day, though he can remember anything he reads. He just isn't concerned enough with what other people tell him to remember it.
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Old 05-20-2010, 10:57 AM   #6
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Re: do you currently have a 4.5 yr old? advice...

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommabritt View Post
I have a 4.5 yr old son, and had one three years ago, too. In another two years, I will have one again.

To me, hat sounds like a child just doing what he wants to do. My 4yo is notorious for testing cause and effect. Are there any consequences for disobedience or is it just you repeating yourself over and over again until he decided to obey you or you both move on and it no longer applies?

I do not think its a memory "problem". I mean, children dont remember for very long and naturally do need some reminding but this seems past that to me. Even though I have told my DS everyday to pick up his toys in his room after he is finished playing wth them, he still leaves them out ALL THE TIME. When I go up and ask him to clean them up he says "But I forgooooot!!!". That is then followed by "Cleaning up your mess isnt fun!!".

I think its normal to go against the grain a bit and if its bothoring you and you want it to change, then set up a consequence. If its not a big deal that he's doing this, I say dont waste your breath anymore and move on to something else. Just my

Good luck mama!
This...exactly...except I have one, had one FOUR years ago & will have a 4.5 year old GIRL in two years.
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Old 05-20-2010, 11:56 AM   #7
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Re: do you currently have a 4.5 yr old? advice...

KJ- WOW! They are almost the exact same ages!
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Old 05-20-2010, 12:09 PM   #8
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Re: do you currently have a 4.5 yr old? advice...

sounds like he is just used to doing things his way. I am assuming there are no consequences for this type of behavior since you mentioned not even being sure if this was disobedience. Perhaps he is just used to mom's instructions being negotiable or conveniently forgettable.
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Old 05-20-2010, 12:34 PM   #9
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Re: do you currently have a 4.5 yr old? advice...

well, it would be close to impossible to have consequences for every little thing done wrong at my house. with a 4 yr old, 3 yr old and 1.5 yr old little boys it verges on chaos at times and i think i do quite well with them overall. i was questioning if any of you thought it was simply disobedience vs. a deeper problem with memory or attention. i know it was a disobedient act.

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Originally Posted by doodah View Post
sounds like he is just used to doing things his way. I am assuming there are no consequences for this type of behavior since you mentioned not even being sure if this was disobedience. Perhaps he is just used to mom's instructions being negotiable or conveniently forgettable.
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Old 05-20-2010, 12:41 PM   #10
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Re: do you currently have a 4.5 yr old? advice...

Oh yeah, right there with ya...my almost 5 yo is killing me with the "oh I forgot" business.
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