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Old 05-20-2010, 09:46 PM   #1
Winter
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Sexual Harrassment in grade 8?!

My DD was at school today, and around noon, I got a call from the school counselor. She said that my DD had a boy in her woodworking class come up behind her with a large piece of wood, put it between her legs and made thrusting motions with it. DD was very ticked off to say the least! She told the guy "Don't" in a very irritated voice, and he laughed it off and went to tell his friends about it. She got her best friend, who witnessed the incident (but was reluctant because she thought she'd get a negative label), and they headed out to report it.
Apparently, this has been happening to other girls too, but nobody has reported it until now. Another girl was called out of the class to the office, because she was observed by DD as having something similar happen recently, and this girl's attitude was that it was a playful slap on her butt. I'm baffled that the other girls are allowing these things to slip by! DD has always been firm with her peers when they're out of line, and this was no different. The counsellor told me they will be doing a thorough investigation and that this boy will face consequences, since if this took place in a grocery store and he were an adult, it would be considered sexual harrassment or sexual assault.
I knew when I sent DD to public school this year (I've homeschooled her for the last three years) that she'd be dealing with some hormonally charged kids, but I am still shaking my head thinking about this guy. It's bad enough that she has to see things that have changed her views of the world, but dealing with this BS personally is kind of aggrivating. DD says he is a brown noser with the teachers, but also a known troublemaker. I'm worried he'll schmooz his way through this with a slap on the wrist, but I want him to know the magnitude of his actions. I told the counsellor that I would like to know the outcome of it. I am also a bit worried about her going out on certain days to get to her extracurricular activities, because I am worried about peer backlash. Apparently, many of the girls like this jerk, but she sees right through him and even said herself that he has always given her the creeps and that she wouldn't be surprised if he grows up to be a pedophile. I really hope this is just a much-needed adolescent wake-up call for him. Any suggestions on anything additional I should do or should have done? No flames, please!

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Last edited by Winter; 05-21-2010 at 10:07 AM. Reason: typos
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Old 05-20-2010, 09:52 PM   #2
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Re: Sexual Harrassment in grade 8?!

I'm sorry. *hugs* I don't have any advice, but I wanted to mention that in my old school we had a problem with an 8th grade boy and it was taken VERY seriously by the administration. And he didn't touch or assault anyone (actually it was kind of stupid: we were doing the musical "Bye Bye Birdie" and he was playing Mr. MacAfee. He said to the girl who was playing his wife in the play 'Hey how about you and me go and make some little MacAfees over in the closet?') but even just that kind of verbal innuendo which made his classmate really uncomfortable was reprimanded. He was pulled out of the play, stripped of his after school activities, etc. Like with bullying, many schools have a zero tolerance policy.
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Old 05-20-2010, 09:55 PM   #3
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Re: Sexual Harrassment in grade 8?!

Im sorry your daughter had to experience that, but good for her for sticking up for herself!! WAY TO GO GIRL!!

I dont have any advice as my oldest is only 7 but I hope he also receives a strong consequence from the school and his parents as well. And I hope your daughters bravery to talk to the school authoritites will show the other girls that they can too. Girls staying quiet about these things only shows boys like him that this behavior is acceptable.
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Old 05-20-2010, 10:18 PM   #4
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Re: Sexual Harrassment in grade 8?!

I went through a case of the like in 8th grade. It was taken very seriously. I'd say if it's not taken care of to YOU and your DD's liking tell them you'll follow up with a police report. Things like this should never take several days to look over. I lived with my grandmother during the time and it was about my breast. They put a no contact contract between the boy and myself and my grandmother wasn't satisfied with that, told them she'd take further action with police if there wasn't something done. Needless to say the boy was removed from all of my classes and put in a weeks ISS.

Good for your DD for sticking up for herself!!! I hope this is taken care of to your liking!
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Old 05-20-2010, 10:26 PM   #5
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Re: Sexual Harrassment in grade 8?!

Hmmm, I like the no contact contract idea. I may request that. Thanks!
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Old 05-21-2010, 12:04 AM   #6
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Re: Sexual Harrassment in grade 8?!

Wow, your daughter is awesome for knowing her rights and not being afraid to speak up. You obviously did a good job with her. I really hope this person is reprimanded. In eight grade there was a boy who would slap my butt and other girls' in the hallways every day. I told so many teachers and administrators, and all of them told me that if no one else saw it, nothing could be done. It made me feel so embarrassed and ashamed.
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Old 05-21-2010, 07:07 AM   #7
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Re: Sexual Harrassment in grade 8?!

I am glad your daughter is handling this in such a mature way but it is disgusting that this kind of stuff is going on at school. She should be able to get an education without worry about who will be harassing her, etc. This, among many other reasons, is why my own children will not be attending public school.
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Old 05-21-2010, 07:13 AM   #8
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Re: Sexual Harrassment in grade 8?!

I'd get a "restraining order" can't come w/in 150 feet or whatever and can't talk about her at school or to her. It sure helped me out in school.....

Don't try to be nice go in with guns blasting. Not kidding.
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Old 05-21-2010, 07:57 AM   #9
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Re: Sexual Harrassment in grade 8?!

I would definately stay on top of it. Some schools might be strict, but others just give a slap on the wrist. Talk to your daughter and see what she wants. She sounds like she's very mature and would be able to decide if she wants to go with what the school decides, or press charges.

It sounds like most of the students think this guy is just funny - so she'll probably get backlash for anything that happens to him. Personally, I'd work with her on a simple & strong response to her peers, something like "it's not funny, it's sexual harassment and if he was 5yrs older, he'd be arrested". I had something similar happen to me by one of my *teachers* and got a lot of flack because he was so popular, but as soon as I used the word 'sexual harassment' everyone backed off and stopped talking about how it was "only funny".
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Old 05-21-2010, 10:21 AM   #10
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Re: Sexual Harrassment in grade 8?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChocolateMoose View Post
It sounds like most of the students think this guy is just funny - so she'll probably get backlash for anything that happens to him. Personally, I'd work with her on a simple & strong response to her peers, something like "it's not funny, it's sexual harassment and if he was 5yrs older, he'd be arrested". I had something similar happen to me by one of my *teachers* and got a lot of flack because he was so popular, but as soon as I used the word 'sexual harassment' everyone backed off and stopped talking about how it was "only funny".
The bolded, absolutely! Her counsellor pointed out to her that there should be absolutely no backlash for this, but I am worried that since he already is quite manipulative, he may get away with more. I do feel kind of sad for this boy, who knows what his home life is like?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommashark View Post
I'd get a "restraining order" can't come w/in 150 feet or whatever and can't talk about her at school or to her. It sure helped me out in school.....

Don't try to be nice go in with guns blasting. Not kidding.
I wonder if I can do something like this. I was already worrying today about her walking to her friend's house afterschool and I texted her to watch her back. She should not have to be extra vigilant because of this, but I guess its practice for the real world. This is so hard for me because I have literally only just started allowing her to go places on her own in November(even then with a cell phone & regular check-ins, and sometimes I stay on the phone with her the whole time until she gets to her destination, depending on the situation).

Quote:
Originally Posted by doodah View Post
I am glad your daughter is handling this in such a mature way but it is disgusting that this kind of stuff is going on at school. She should be able to get an education without worry about who will be harassing her, etc. This, among many other reasons, is why my own children will not be attending public school.
I absolutely agree with you on the homeschooling thing. With 2 littles I found it was getting really hard to challenge her the way she needs. I did not want to send her back and likely would have kept her out for 2 more years, but she was really yearning for more interaction, despite having dance classes twice a week and doing other things with friends as well. She's really a social girl and was ready for more. (She has already been thriving, making As & Bs and has won an award for achievement.) Then you add that I'm trying to get this home business on the go, and it was alot to handle. I still shake my head that the Duggars can pull it off, but they do pair their children up. I will be homeschooling the littles for as long as possible, though.
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