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Old 05-24-2010, 01:23 PM   #1
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Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

First let me say that I am a huge fan, advocate, and practitioner of co-sleeping. We co-slept with dd for a year and loved it and intend to do the same with ds. But I am shocked by how many moms are saying, on other co-sleeping threads, that their dh sleeps on the floor or the couch or in another room while kids and mom sleep in the big bed. Some moms are saying they haven't cuddled in bed with their dh in YEARS??? I would kick my kid out of bed before I let dh find another place to sleep.

I don't want to come off as judgmental--I am just looking for insight because I don't get it. But these situations represent some seriously mixed up priorities to me. DH and I cuddle almost every night before we go to sleep and I think it is an important part of our relationship. I realize every marriage is different but how does it work to never sleep with your spouse? It also seems like it would send a message to your kids that they come before your marriage/spouse. Help me understand.

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Old 05-24-2010, 01:29 PM   #2
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

IDK. My DH and I practice SAFE co-sleeping, in our bed together. We would never sleep apart
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Old 05-24-2010, 01:30 PM   #3
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

I regularly check in with DH to make sure that co-sleeping is still "working" for him too. I view parenting as a partnership and even though DD is attached to me while we are co-sleeping, it is a parenting decision that WE made.

Maybe some of these family's don't find the pre-sleep cuddling as important as you and your DH do? Or maybe they have jointly made the decision to continue mom/baby co-sleeping with dad somewhere else?

The only way I would be ok with DH not being in bed with us is if WE made that decision together. I also don't understand when a woman say that as mom she knows best and will force it on their hubby.......well, under circumstances where a Papa has shown that he doesn't have kiddo's best interests in mind, yes, but otherwise.... We entered into parenting together and should do the parenting together.
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Old 05-24-2010, 01:31 PM   #4
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

I happen to agree with you however I'm sure there are extenuating (sp?) cicumstances for those couples that choose to sleep apart.....
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Old 05-24-2010, 01:33 PM   #5
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

We cosleep with our son who is turning 3 this weekend. DH and I find time to cuddle. It hasn't really impacted us much in regards to sharing a bed. We have a king sized bed and the only problems we've had are minor bedwetting, puking, and of course, the sudden baby/toddler foot in the face.
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Old 05-24-2010, 01:34 PM   #6
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

I can't help you understand because I agree with you.

I was actually quite flamed on another board for this - stating my opinion that your partner should have first priority in the family bed over children.
Of course, the really die-hard, co-sleep with their pre-teen kind of Moms threw a fit at that....
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Old 05-24-2010, 01:36 PM   #7
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

My DH slept in a different room when I co-slept with DD because he is a VERY heavy sleeper and moves a lot, it just wasn't safe. We continued to have me co-sleep with her because she was not a good sleeper and if anyone in the house was going to sleep it was easier for her to just sleep with me. DH and I are not big cuddlers though and I hate being touched when I am trying to sleep. There was about a year where we slept in seperate rooms because DH has sleep apnea and he refused to go to the Dr for a new machine and snored so loud I was not able to sleep in the same room as him.
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Old 05-24-2010, 01:40 PM   #8
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

Quote:
Originally Posted by NorahsMom View Post
It also seems like it would send a message to your kids that they come before your marriage/spouse. Help me understand.

I agree, and I think that is one of the worst messages you can give to your kids. Kid want to know that the adults are in charge, and have a united front.
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Old 05-24-2010, 01:41 PM   #9
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

I agree with you. However, for some people maybe it isn't important to sleep in the same bed? My DH and I don't cuddle at night, we both just don't like really being touched while we're sleeping... that's another reason we don't cosleep with my 2 year old! Lol. We do cuddle on the couch though and at sexy times (which don't always occur in bed :wink. I think if for them, their DH doesn't mind sleeping elsewhere, and it works for them... oh well. Their life, not mine.
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Old 05-24-2010, 01:42 PM   #10
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

In my situation it happened and I didn't even realize it until co-sleeping became routine for DS...and it has been really hard since. DS slept in his own crib until around 6mths when he started waking all throughout the night. Lazy me decided sleep is way more important so I would just go get him and bring him into our bed. It worked ok for a few nights, but then DH started complaining so I would try to keep DS in his crib, but if he just kept waking up (which he uaully did about every hour if he was in his crib) I would go get him and we would sleep in the living room while DH kept the bed. I am trying to get DS out of the co-sleeping habit and this is a huge reason...me and DH need *our* time, but it is SOOO hard...I truly feel like I have ruined things. So now I just try to get up when DS wakes if he will not stop screaming which he usually will not stop at.all and get him to go back to sleep in his crib. IT IS HARD
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