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Old 05-24-2010, 01:42 PM   #11
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

I can't imagine how this would work well for my family except in a couple of circumstances -- if DH was a heavy sleeper and worried he would hurt DS, was sick (that would just be temporary), or if he turns out to have sleep apnea and needs a machine (they are loud I understand). DS and I are fairly light sleepers, so I'm not sure how that machine will work out for us if he needs it, he'll be tested soon.

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Old 05-24-2010, 01:42 PM   #12
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

We co-sleep and I will admit some nights it's a struggle - DD has her own bed, which at the moment is my laundry folding station, and we move her once she's asleep if we want alone time. We try and make cuddle time a must but some nights you don't care where you sleep as long as you sleep kwim? We do sleep in the same bed though, and I don't think we would ever not sleep in the same bed. We are planning on moving DD fully into her own bed sooner rather then later, but she will probably still stay in the room - which I guess is still technically considered co-sleeping.

I don't understand how the child/parent sleeping should be focused on the mother/child relationship. A father is a vital part of the family and should be treated as such, that includes co-sleeping becuase his presence can be as powerful as mothers. Of course there are those who have differing circumstances - my DH and I hardly slept in the same bed for the first little bit of marriage, neither of us could get comfortable and I prefered the couch over the bed - he liked it warm I liked it cool..and so on and so forth. There are lots of reasons - but child over spouse shouldn't be one of them.
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Old 05-24-2010, 01:56 PM   #13
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

I was surprised too - the only way I'm even remotely comfortable with our son in our bed is with my husband there as I KNOW he'd keep him as safe as possible and the few times we've brought him into our bed (i.e. sick, trouble with reflux), he usually sleeps in between us in my husband's arm (my favorite place too). I don't get co-sleeping alone - since we had to retire the swing and bouncy seat, sometimes I have brought my son into nap with me, but it worries me and sometimes its a struggle as he wants to climb/crawl everywhere in bed and I'm not allowing anything but sleeping/snuggling in beds. Gratefully, we have the same parenting style so its a non-issue but I couldn't kick out my husband...I actually mentioned that to my husband and he was surprised too... isn't that NOT the point of co-sleeping or its mom/child sleeping.
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Old 05-24-2010, 02:01 PM   #14
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

Quote:
Originally Posted by WiggleBean View Post
I can't imagine how this would work well for my family except in a couple of circumstances -- if DH was a heavy sleeper and worried he would hurt DS, was sick (that would just be temporary), or if he turns out to have sleep apnea and needs a machine (they are loud I understand). DS and I are fairly light sleepers, so I'm not sure how that machine will work out for us if he needs it, he'll be tested soon.
My husband has a CPAP and he doesn't use it the few times my son is in the bed or the hoses and everything (well, anytime as its the same issue for me) he keeps running above the bed, and down/out so I can snuggle with him - it really depends on the mask style but its not a big deal. (And, his is very very very quiet if set up right as he can hear our son better than me and he just takes it off, and goes - and I giggle as he said he'd not be the dad to get up and he just takes off running).
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Old 05-24-2010, 02:27 PM   #15
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

i love my kids to death, don't get me wrong, but there is no way i'm letting my kids kick my husband out of the bed. we don't see him from about 7:30 am til 7ish pm so i want my time with him! co sleeping is not for me at all, i've always felt like kids need their own private beds. but to each is own!
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Old 05-24-2010, 02:43 PM   #16
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

Well, I was a mama that co-slept and had a husband sleeping on the couch.

DS coslept for the first five months. He'd start off in his cradle, but after his first night-feeding, would NOT go back to sleep unless it was with me, in our bed. I certainly didn't kick DH out of the bed, but he just wasn't comfortable with the amount of room left in the bed once DS was in there, too. So, he chose to sleep elsewhere. At the time, we had a twin, pull out couch and regular couch available for him to use.

We'd snuggle and hang out until the first waking, then he'd go to the couch, and I'd go to bed in our bedroom. It certainly wasn't ideal, but it was the best we could do at the time.

That said, I actively worked on getting DS out of the bed, because I DID want to sleep next to my man.

I don't think my situation is quite what you were talking about, but I guess sometimes you just do what you have to do to get through another day, even if it means sleeping apart.
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Old 05-24-2010, 02:47 PM   #17
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

I like watching TV before I fall asleep so we'll usually cuddle on the couch while DS sleeps in our bed. Then I fall asleep on the couch and DH co-sleeps with DS. DD is in her own bed and I wish DS were, too. We've tried numerous times and several methods, but it just hasn't worked out yet. One of these days I'll get my bed back. :sigh:
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Old 05-24-2010, 02:49 PM   #18
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

I know childless couples that have slept separately due to snoring and other issues. I know couple where one partner works nights so they never really sleep together. I have read on here about couples that rarely if ever have sex, couples where the husbands works in other states for weeks at a time and other stuff that would NEVER work in my relationship. Honestly, I feel like if a couple chooses to sleep separately and both parties are happy with the situation more power to them.

I know what works for us doesn't work for everyone. I acknowledge that others may have valid reasons for their sleep arrangement. It may not be about putting dad out. Dad may choose to let his wife sleep with the kids to support their goals as parents and to allow her to get extra rest. He may be a super light sleeper and her getting up to tend to a babe a night would be just as disturbing as a baby in the bed and as a result decide to couch it to get more rest.

ETA: My whole family sleeps together at night, but I don't think it's because DH and I are better than couples that choose to sleep apart. This just works for us.
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Old 05-24-2010, 02:57 PM   #19
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

Its just not a big deal to us. I'm a super light sleeper & always have been, DH is a heavy sleeper who snores super loud. After DS was born, he started sleeping a lot lighter than ever before out of instinct I suppose, but with that came him not being able to sleep if he was being touched at all, too hot, too cold, etc...its like all of his senses went into overdrive while sleeping. He also messed up his back and is really only comfortable with a super super firm place to sleep. He'll cuddle in bed with me & both of the kiddos on most nights, but about halfway through the night moves to the floor or the couch because a) he can sleep there without being touched and b)it feels better for his back. We get plenty of time together and "adult time" doesn't only happen in bed plus we all sleep better in the long run. I'd rather sleep apart & all of us be happy & well rested than sleep smashed into bed together and be miserable & exhausted all the time.
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Old 05-24-2010, 03:04 PM   #20
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Re: Priorities seem mixed up. (I realize I'll probably get flamed....)

We are asleep, I don't cuddle
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