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Old 05-24-2010, 10:25 PM   #1
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How do I get my mom to stop feeding my daughter dairy!

My DD who is almost 2 is allergic to dairy. Every time my mom is around her she is trying to feed her some sort of dairy. It erks me to no end! At first my mom did not believe she had an allergy and that she was just intolerant and could have small bites of dairy laden foods. So at my nephews bday party, she gave my DD 2 small bites of cake. Oh, and also, she brought DD a fruit bar bc she couldn't have the ice cream (which was SO nice of her to do) so why cant she get that she cant have cake....? By the time I realized what she was doing, it was too late. That night DD was up screaming bloody murder "OUCH!" and "HELP ME!". I called my mom while she was doing this and asked her to please STOP feeding her dairy bc this is what I have to live through and it is so hard to see your baby so sick and there really isnt anything i can do. She apologized and said she would never feed her anymore dairy and felt really bad. But she never stopped trying. Lately every time we go over there, she keeps asking me if DD needs a snack. Like goldfish or yogurt or cheese and crackers. I am always trying to remind her that DD can not have ANY dairy. I always bring snacks that are dairy free that she can have. I leave some at my moms house and bring some in the diaper bag (as well as drinks so mom doesnt give her cows milk, which she has also done before.) I have been really good at keeping a close eye on the situation, but i cant do this forever! I am just getting so frustrated with it! I do not trust that I can leave DD alone with my mom for a few minutes let alone babysit because she is so 'forgetful' about her allergy. ugh!
I've sat down and talked to her about it, she has heard the after effects (screaming for help), she has been thrown up on a LOT by DD bc of her dairy issue, changed lots of gross diapers and seen the NASTY blisters she gets and I have provided other snacks she can have instead of the dairy ones. Yet this still continues. The excuse I always get is 'oh i forgot'. SO i was thinking and she is going through menopause, does that cause memory loss? If it really is that she cant remember, what can I do to help her so that I can feel more comfortable having DD be with her?
basically, what can I do to get my mom to stop feeding her dairy?

TIA!

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Old 05-24-2010, 10:37 PM   #2
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Re: How do I get my mom to stop feeding my daughter dairy!

What a crappy sitch. I would take the hard line and tell her she is not allowed to feed her anything. At all. Don't leave them alone. When you feel ready to give your Mom a chance, bring your DDs prepacked lunch box and she can only feed her out of that. You'll need to get into the habit of packing her non dairy foods wherever she goes anyway. Poor baby.
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Old 05-24-2010, 10:38 PM   #3
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Re: How do I get my mom to stop feeding my daughter dairy!

Honestly..if it were me I would tell my mom that she couldn't keep my DD anymore bc she keeps harming her. I couldn't sit by and let my mom or anyone "forget" about my daughters allergies (if she had any). You pack food for her to eat..your mom should feed her that food. It's not that hard to remember to feed her the food you brought.
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Old 05-24-2010, 10:45 PM   #4
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Re: How do I get my mom to stop feeding my daughter dairy!

I love the lunch box idea!
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Old 05-24-2010, 11:41 PM   #5
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Re: How do I get my mom to stop feeding my daughter dairy!

What I do, is make sure I supply a lot of food options that are dairy-free. I overdo it, so there is MORE than she would ever eat. Dairy is such an annoying allergy to have, because things like nuts are obvious... whereas dairy is in so many foods that we eat all the time. When we were staying with my folks, I definitely let things slide because I didn't want to make a big deal about it. A few days of eating a little taste of chocolate, cheese crackers here and there, cheese cooked into meals etc... and DD was crying on the airplane in pain scratching her arms until they were bleeding. It's just upsetting to me. I prefer being home really, it's just easier. People just never consider a dairy-allergic kid and it's so hard on them when dairy-containing foods are constantly being shoved in their face!
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Old 05-25-2010, 12:17 AM   #6
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Re: How do I get my mom to stop feeding my daughter dairy!

My MIL cannot watch our kids - she just doesn't understand the whole dairy thing. She knows they cannot have cows milk - but everything else dairy is in, it goes over her head. Every time we're over there, she offers ice cream and cookies to Madeline - I have to tell her no because of the dairy. She's older (75) and since she doesn't see the kids all that often, I expect her to forget and not know all the things dairy is in (same with their other allergies - soy, wheat/gluten and eggs).

My parents on the other hand are wonderful. All we have to do is pack snacks/food and write down what is for what (like breakfast/lunch/dinner/snacks) and they go by it. Have you tried writing it down for her and having her place it in a place where she will see it? Also, if my parents are unsure about something (like if grandpa is having chips, and I didn't pack chips for my DD - my mom will call and read the ingrediant list off to me and look for any other warning lables on it - and get the OK from me before she gives DD anything) and they are watching the kids, they call before doing anything.

We have to pack food everywhere we go - it's part of life now. We don't leave without a lunch box stuffed full of food for me and the kids....that way I know what I am feeding them will not harm them instead of taking a gamble that where we are going *might* have something safe for them to eat.
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Old 05-25-2010, 06:34 AM   #7
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Re: How do I get my mom to stop feeding my daughter dairy!

Totally not the same issue, but DS is off of all refined sugars and limited carbs for some internal problems and is also lactose intolerant... Anyways, MIL just thinks it's a bunch of whooey and that he can eat what he wants. So since she voiced that to me, she hasn't seen him. Plain and simple. If she wants to respect me as a parent then she can see my kids, until then, she won't even be around them. She also thinks that taking him to a naturopath is stupid and that I'm poisoning him with the supplements AND she has the gall to put sposies on the baby when I'm sitting right next to her !!! Like I said, different situation, but kinda the same idea. If she can't get it, then your mom maybe has to loose the priveledge of seeing your DD.

Another idea, that's less harsh, is only let your mom visit your house. Just don't take DD to your mom's where the temptation is greater for her to give your DD snacks that she can't have. Just a thought.
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Old 05-25-2010, 07:12 AM   #8
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Re: How do I get my mom to stop feeding my daughter dairy!

How frustrating for you and your dd.

How about making a list of foods your dd can have a give it to her so she can look at that every time she wants to give your dd a snack? Maybe having something to give her ideas will help her remember that your dd can't have dairy.

Another idea (maybe you've done this) fill a basket of snacks that your dd can have and leave it at your moms house and refill as needed.
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Old 05-25-2010, 07:17 AM   #9
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Re: How do I get my mom to stop feeding my daughter dairy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cristina View Post
What a crappy sitch. I would take the hard line and tell her she is not allowed to feed her anything. At all. Don't leave them alone. When you feel ready to give your Mom a chance, bring your DDs prepacked lunch box and she can only feed her out of that. You'll need to get into the habit of packing her non dairy foods wherever she goes anyway. Poor baby.
Excellent idea, IMO!
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Old 05-25-2010, 08:12 AM   #10
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Re: How do I get my mom to stop feeding my daughter dairy!

I say start with not letting her feed your DD anything. Nothing. No food no drinks. You be there at all times. IF she gets the point do the lunch box thing.

Tell her allergies are serious and if she cant learn to take them seriously then you'll have to do it for her.
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