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Old 05-26-2010, 10:37 PM   #1
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Sometimes you just need a brick wall (vent)

to bang your head against.

My mom's former (therapeutic) foster daughter. I think she may drive my mother to drink She came into my mom's house 4.5 years ago as a 15yo teen mom. Her son (N), 3 months then, came along. When FD was 17, she was going to Job Corps and meets this guy. He adopts my mom as his own. The two of them can't decide whether they hero-worship my mom or hate her, which isn't so much of a surprise based on their individual relationships with their bio families. So, they decide to 'free' FD from living at my mom's house by getting married as soon as she turned 18. Baby1 (M) came less than 9 months later. And then Baby 2 (H) came 11 months after that. M is 15 months, H is 6 weeks.

They were evicted from 2 apartments (gov. housing) because they let their place get so filthy. In one, there was feces all over the floor from the cat that they weren't supposed to have. FD and her husband sleep as late into the day as possible, which meant it wasn't uncommon for the 3 year old and baby (M) to be unattended. After the 2nd eviction, my mom offered for them to stay at her house so they could have a place to live while they built up funds to pay off what they owed at the apartment complex. They were asked to be out by December. December came and they begged (while alternating with curses and hatred) to get to stay until the baby (H) was born. Then after she was born, they begged to stay until May. Still treating my mom like crap and cursing at her.

So, they finally got moved out 2 weeks ago. Meanwhile, they took H (2 mos old now) to the ER for the third time since she's been born. Diagnosis? Malnutrition. Mom tries to breastfeed, which is to be commended.... but she stops too soon because *she* is done, and then gives H the pacifier. Dude.. feed your baby. Breast or formula, but FEED the kid. Because they had brought her into the ER so many times so young, the hospital called CPS. The hospital TOLD them they called CPS. They had been treating their hospital room the same way they had their apartment, so when CPS dropped by their room, there were used diapers laying all over the floor, fast food trash all over the floor.... and two big trashcans available. The case worker tells FD that she is there to help, but that she has red flags going up all over. Also tells FD that she is notifying CHUBS. FD has a knee-jerk reaction and starts going on about how she had an issue with CHUBS before, and tells about how her husband had shoved her a year or two ago... which was how CHUBS had gotten involved the last time. So, definitely not starting that off on the right foot. She had just gotten full custody of her DS (N) a year ago, and now they have put themselves back under the scope.

And here we are today. She tells me that she is pregnant again. The 2nd time they had their youngest at the hospital (supposedly for a virus, but who knows with these two), they brought N and M to stay at my parents' house, telling them H was still in the hospital and being moved to a higher level of care. She found out the next day that no, H had been released, but they wanted to go stay at a motel that night. Which is when she got pg again. She didn't use any kind of protection because she didn't think she could get pg yet. I guess she didn't notice how close in age her previous 2 are (13mos apart)!

I'm all for big families. I'm a believer that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. But I also believe you have to TRY to handle it. The kids - all of them - have to be fed. The adults have to have jobs. The trash must be thrown away!

And now, the husband has decided he wants to get a job. Yay! Except... they didn't pay their phone bill so they have no phones. My mom is giving hers to him until he can get it taken care of, so he can get a job. Yes, my mom is a life-long enabler.

I'm glad they are out of the house. I'm so glad they are out of the house. I don't want them to drown. I don't want the kids to end up in foster care because their parents are lazy. I wish I could knock some sense into them. I try to be a positive role model as a mother and now as a mother of a large family, but OMG they are seriously going to have to purge some crap and manage to stabilize so they don't drown.


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Old 05-27-2010, 12:29 AM   #2
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Re: Sometimes you just need a brick wall (vent)

oh!! that would be SO hard to sit by and watch. I feel for you and your mom ... and of course FD's kids!! I hope she and her hubby get things straightened out soon and can give those kids the homelife they need.
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Old 05-27-2010, 09:54 AM   #3
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Re: Sometimes you just need a brick wall (vent)

They need to go into a family shelter program to teach them life skills, housing and help them get a job.

Good luck with all that.
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