When would not consider someone AP'ing?

[crunch!910]

I guess I'm not AP then, because I couldn't breastfeed, DS hates babywearing, we can't cosleep, and DS has done a gentle, mild form of CIO I guess you'd say.

But I respond when DS cries. I try my best to communicate to him through some ASL and elimination communication. I do not care to "spoil" him by responding to him - he's a baby and can't be spoiled yet. I try my best to practice gentle discipline. I'm very pro breastfeeding, pro cosleeping if it works for your family, pro babywearing if your baby enjoys it, anti-CIO for newborns and infants, etc.

I never go around calling myself or tagging myself with any label. I really don't care to fit into any certain mold. I pride myself in being a great mother, not a label.

[Esthersmommy]

See, I don't tell people I'm an AP mama... I breastfeed, co-sleep, cloth diaper, babywear, homebirth, gentle discipline... BUT, I don't like to label myself. I just do what I think is best for my children and it happens to correspond with Attachment Parenting. I've come to all these conclusions without reading an AP book. :-)

[my2sweets]

Originally Posted by GEM Cloth To me attachment parenting is responsive or instinctual parenting. I respond to my child's needs and listen to my instincts.

Agreed.

I consider myself an APer...pretty much but I'm sure others wouldnt. I didnt bf, we dont cosleep, I've spanked and done CIO. GOing by that alone many would say 'yeah whatever lady you are so! not AP). However if you get the details I think I do fit....
DD1 wouldnt latch I developed an infection that dried my supply at 4mos and never got milk with dd2 so no bfing for me.
The girls stayed in our room for a couple months but then we kept disturbing them and slept much better in their own rooms. Although they do climb in bed with us during the night every once in a while.
DD1 went through a phase were spanking was the only way to get her to listen. I had to keep her safe and she responded best to spanking at that time. Thankfully it was a short phase.
Last but not least CIO. At 4months dd1 would scream bloody murder for hours! if I held, rocked, sang, walked, ect trying to get her to sleep. She needed to be left alone. Once I did and she calmed down she went to sleep.
I truly believe APing is about responding to your childrens needs however/doing whatever works best for them.


-eta-a label is not what I strive to be. I am simply doing what I feel is right and it happens to fall into APing I believe. I just told my story to show 'you' that not everything can be taking at face value kwim?

[stringbean02]

i just parent the way i feel is right for me. i toddlerwear/babywear, we dont cosleep any longer, and i let DS CIO if i KNOW he is just crying because he is overly tired. i think AP is listening to your instinct and doing what YOU know your child needs, whats best for them in your eyes and striving to keep them close to you. im not against spanking, but i cant immagine spanking DS at his age (13 months) and i dont know when and IF i will be comfortable spanking him, but i certainly dont think spanking is wrong. we dont cosleep any longer because it honestly wasnt working out in any of our best interest. DS doesnt sleep as well in our bed, and when DS sleeps with us he wakes up several times and wallers around waking up me and DH. when he sleeps in his bed he sleeps all night. im not against him sleeping in our bed, and if he doesnt feel good or just wont go to sleep in his bed one night for whatever reason, then he sleeps with us. when DD comes in july she will most likely co-sleep with us for at least the first few months, as i plan on BFing her for at least a year.

[stringbean02]

Originally Posted by seeinstarrz Also I wanted to say - to a lot of people IRL, I am "super AP" because a lot of things I do are not the norm around here (CDing, BWing, cosleeping, non-circing, etc). But on this board, I am probably way more mainstream. It depends on your company, too!

same here, people in my area/our friends think im a hippie because of the stuff i do - babywear (especially while 32 weeks pregnant...that always gets stares LOL), baby led "schedule" (i dont think that setting up a schedule works, at least not for us), no CIO/rare CIO (i really dont consider letting my toddler cry for a few minutes when i KNOW he is exhausted CIO, if he doesnt stop in a couple of minutes or he is SCREAMING then i get him), cloth diapering (everyone but DH thinks im crazy on that one), and PLANNING on BFing DD for at least a year (BFing at all isnt common here, i only BFd DS for a few weeks and people were asking me how come i didnt stop at the hospital , and they all wonder why i feel like i had no support when problems arose)

[smashncakes]

CIO is a big one that would make me say someone is not AP. For the whole BW and co-sleeping thing, I think its something that depends on the kiddo. DS hated to be wore anywhere, but DD still loves it. DS absolutely positively cannot/will not sleep on his own and thrives with co-sleeping. DD likes momma right there when she's falling asleep, but prefers to have her own space & sleeps better in her own bed than in the family bed. AP'ing, to me, is responding to your child's individual needs & doing what works best for them. You can AP two (or more) kids in very different ways and still have the label of AP...the whole label is what bothers me...sure, I meet AP norms, but I didn't just decide one day "hey, I'm going to AP because I like how it sounds"...its just naturally how I parent I probably fall in the middle on here I've gotten a bit lazy with CD'ing lately but for my area, I'm like, super-hippie-crazy-AP'ing mom.
We co-sleep, babywear, cloth diaper 2/3 of the time, ERF, BF with child-led weaning, no CIO, time-outs but no spanking, circ, delayed vax, child-led schedule, hospital birth (I would love to homebirth but Illinois sucks when it comes to midwife homebirths and honestly, I'm kind of scared of the whole unassisted thing personally)...like I said, for on here, kind of middle of the road.

[crunch!910]

Just like how others have said that just because someone doesn't co sleep, or doesn't babywear, or can't breastfeed, doesn't mean they aren't AP, I believe the same goes for CIO.

[Terra]

Thanks for the different views ladies I work all day and can hardly get on here that's why I haven't responded sooner. If I get some time at home tonight, I'll have to multi-quote some things!

The one PP that said basically the 7 BB's for her...that's how I feel personally.

Despite differences, I do love chatting with you ladies.

[TexasHeatherLynn]

I agree with what Dr. Sears says also:

MORE ABOUT ATTACHMENT PARENTING

AP is a starter style. There may be medical or family circumstances why you are unable to practice all of these baby B's. Attachment parenting implies first opening your mind and heart to the individual needs of your baby, and eventually you will develop the wisdom on how to make on-the-spot decisions on what works best for both you and your baby. Do the best you can with the resources you have – that's all your child will ever expect of you. These baby B's help parents and baby get off to the right start. Use these as starter tips to work out your own parenting style – one that fits the individual needs of your child and your family. Attachment parenting helps you develop your own personal parenting style.

AP is an approach, rather than a strict set of rules. It's actually the style that many parents use instinctively. Parenting is too individual and baby too complex for there to be only one way. The important point is to get connected to your baby, and the baby B's of attachment parenting help. Once connected, stick with what is working and modify what is not. You will ultimately develop your own parenting style that helps parent and baby find a way to fit – the little word that so economically describes the relationship between parent and baby.

AP is responsive parenting. By becoming sensitive to the cues of your infant, you learn to read your baby's level of need. Because baby trusts that his needs will be met and his language listened to, the infant trusts in his ability to give cues. As a result, baby becomes a better cue-giver, parents become better cue-readers, and the whole parent-child communication network becomes easier.

AP is a tool. Tools are things you use to complete a job. The better the tools, the easier and the better you can do the job. Notice we use the term "tools" rather than "steps." With tools you can pick and choose which of those fit your personal parent-child relationship. Steps imply that you have to use all the steps to get the job done. Think of attachment parenting as connecting tools, interactions with your infant that help you and your child get connected. Once connected, the whole parent-child relationship (discipline, healthcare, and plain old having fun with your child) becomes more natural and enjoyable. Consider AP a discipline tool. The better you know your child, the more your child trusts you, and the more effective your discipline will be. You will find it easier to discipline your child and your child will be easier to discipline.

[dragondance]

There are also many definitions of CIO. I have seen mamas on here say they feel awful but CIO is what works--and they describe letting baby fuss or wail for 3-8 minutes before falling asleep on their own. Letting your baby settle down for a few minutes, less than 10, is NOT CIO, IMO, but some AP mamas consider even that CIO.